Against All My Beliefs
by BookAddict01
Summary: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye have a new mission: be the perfect little family while Edward attends Ouran Academy on a recruitment mission.... This ought to be interesting.- Slowly being updated
1. Prologue: The Worst Mission Ever

**Heyy, to everyone reading this.**

**This is my second FanFic, the first one we had to discontinue but we promised a new more lighthearted FanFic so here it is**

**Hope you like it!**

**-Al and Nina**

* * *

Major Edward Elric- The FullMetal Alchemist

Mission Profile: 

Mission Objectives:

Befriend Hitachin twins- see pages 3 and 4

Join host club

Attempt to recruit them for the Amestrian Military

Look around for other students who could present an interest to the Amestrian Military

Mission Cover story:

Col. Roy Mustang and L.t Riza Hawkeye will be Major. Elric's acting parents *_that's a joke right?!*_

Col. Mustang is acting father and a police officer who just transferred

L.t Hawkeye is acting mother and former police officer turned homemaker when Edward was born, she is the daughter of a man famous for his money and influential presence in Germany

They met in the field 1 ½ years prior to Edwards Birth married when Edward was about 3 months old _*that's so not funny*_

Family name: Mustang _*please be a joke..*_

Edward got into Ouran High School Academy because of his fathers position and his grandfathers money

They live in a large house in an up-and-coming neighborhood

Edward is and A+ student with attitude issues

_This isn't a joke is it?_

"WHAT THE HELL?!" three people yelled as one, Col. Mustang, L.t Hawkeye and Major Elric had just been given the profile for the mission.

**Roy's POV**

Why the hell am I the one who has to play daddy to FullMetal, I don't look that old- do I?

**Riza's POV**

Why am I the one that has to play the Col.'s wife and 'mother' of his 'child'? Oh well there's always takeout and frozen dinners.

**Ed's POV**

What the hell

What the Hell

WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE HELL!

THAT IS THE WORST JOKE EVER!!!!!

* * *

"Does the family name have to be Mustang? Why can't it be something awesome like, Elric?" Ed complained _*of all the things to complain about* _Roy thought bitterly, he still wasn't happy being considered old enough to be Edwards father. They were in President King Bradley's office.

"Obviously, u didn't read past page one did you Elric? I would've thought that you would complain about the school uniforms on a page two. Or-"Bradley was cut off by none other then Ed.

"WHAT? I HAVE TO WEAR A PURPLE TIE AND BLUE JACKET! WHAT KINDA SCHOOL IS THIS?"

"Purple Edward, the jacket is purple" Riza commented calmly.

"Ya Ed, don't worry the jackets purple not blue, you still wont look like a military man." Roy said his voice practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Well 'it's a school for the rich and fabulous' to quote many of the students, to answer your question Elric." Bradley said laughing

"So anymore questions?" The President asked after he had stopped laughing.

"Ya, can Al come with us?" Riza questioned with a cautious glance to Edward.

"Alphonse is still a suit of armor so no, he wouldn't be able to go school there anyway he will be better off here where he can go back to Risembool, for the time being." Roy was about to protest-he knew from experience that Al was the only one that could control Ed, but Ed being Ed cut him off.

"Actually I would be more concerned about what would happen if he went through the portal I mean he is only a suit of armor with a soul attached to it by a blood seal, over all who knows what could happen to him. I wish he could come but it is better off if he stays here, he's wanted to visit granny Pinako and Winry for a while anyway." Ed finished softly, almost in a voice that made him sound like the kid he is.

"Wait what Al isn't coming but, but, but he's the only one who can control Ed!" Roy panicked.

"Smooth could you be more insensitive?" Riza replied giving her boss a jab in the ribs as they walked out behind Ed.

**Kay so there is the first chapter hope you all like it**

**oh and f you were wondering why there's two names at the top Al is the writer and Nina is the idea maker so ya**

**Read and review and we will love you forever!**

**-Al and Nina**


	2. Chapter 1: Meet the Neighbors

**Kay so here is the next chapter thank you to everyone reading we really appreciate it!**

**We don't own Fullmetal or Ouran high (though we wish we did)**

**-Al and Nina**

Only two bedrooms, hmmm..."I call my own room!" Ed hollered down the stairs to Roy and Riza who were unpacking the kitchen. This ought to an interesting argument Ed thought to himself as he started bringing boxes into 'his' room

Man how many clothes did they get me- I don't have that much stuff, Ed pondered when he was finished bringing all the boxes up. The room was rather large but then again the house itself was big to begin with. The room itself though was your basic 16 year old boys' bedroom, mess not included that is if the boy was the 'grandson' of a super rich 'grandfather.'

IN THE KITCHEN

"I call my own room!" Those five words sent Roy and Riza racing up the stairs.

_IF Edward is calling his own room that can't be good _Riza thought to herself starting to panic.

_GOD DAMNIT if Fullmetal is calling his own room that means there are only two bedrooms in this damn house! What idiot builds a house this big with only two bedrooms?! _Roy thought as he ran up the stairs behind L.T Hawkeye not even where this would leave him if there were only two bedrooms.

"You do realize this means you're sleeping on the couch because there is no way we are sharing a room." Riza said glancing at Roy as they stood at the foot of the of the super sized king size bed

"But that's sooo not fair I mean look at the size of that bed its huge practically its own country! You can have this side and I can have the other." Roy moaned and complained, as Ed walked into the room.

"Holy crap I think the bastard is right for once this bed is huge. Well anyway have fun arguing you of all people ought to realize when once Hawkeye says it, its set in stone." And with that he ran from the room before he could be burnt to a crisp (1) or get a bullet to the head.

For the rest of the day all Ed could hear was Roy and Riza arguing until...

BANG

Riza pulled out her gun.

"Mom did you kill dad?" Ed asked casually.

"No shot right beside the head, don't worry he's fine. Regrettably." Riza said bored as they started to clean up the mess. (2)

BANG

"I think you made your point...Mom." Ed moaned as he turned to face the...open front door.

"That's not a gun and defiantly not mom" Ed said walking back down the stairs to get a good view of the guy who so rudely busted in.

"I swear I heard gunfire!" The young man said standing dramatically in the doorway.

"Hi good to meet you too. My names Edward Elr- Mustang. Your name is?" Ed waited a minute "Ok, and that's where you fill in the blank dummy."

"Right well my name is Tamaki Suou, king of the host club at Ouran Academy!" Tamaki praised about himself.

"Oh hello there, I'm Riza Mustang, Edwards' mother. Edward why are you making your friend stand there in the doorway let him in." Riza Scolded.

_Man she is way to good at this. She didn't even stutter when she said Mustang!_ Ed noted

"He's not my friend mom he's just the guy that practically broke our front door down."

"That doesn't matter. Come in, I'm sorry I didn't catch your name."

Suou, Tamaki Suou." Tamaki said bowing slightly.

Riza turned around and walked back into the kitchen- the only room in the house that wasn't drowning in boxes.

"So, you're probably wondering what a host club is right."

_Play dumb, play dumb, play dumb_ Ed thought.

"Ya what is a host club?" Ed questioned. Tamaki came close looking at him in an almost seductive way.

"Well a host club is a group of devilishly good looking men with way too much time on their hands who entertain young gorgeous ladies such as yourself-"

He didn't get to continue. Ed had punched him in the face, with his left hand, he has some restraint and his 'mom' would kill him if he used his automail arm.

"I AM NOT A GIRL YOU FREAKISHLY TALL CREEP!" Ed screamed.

"Oh Edward I thought we talked about this" Riza groaned, hands on her hips looking at Tamaki's twitching form on the marble floor, Roy walked in behind her and nearly choked on the water he was drinking in laughter.

"I'll call the ambulance- and his fathers house. Honestly Fullmetal you had to knock a fried of the Hitachiin twins out? This really isn't helping with the mission" The Col. moaned dialling the number for the ambulance.

**So there's the next chapter hope you all liked it!**

**Yes they can do alchemy we don't care if this is wrong a Fullmetal fanfic with no alchemy is pointless **

**When we say clean the mess what we really mean is hiding Rizas gun and making it look like Roy accidentally fired it cleaning his gun for work**

**Ya read and review please **

**-Al and Nina**


	3. Chapter 2: First Day of School

**HEY miss us? Here is the next chapter hope you like it :D**

**Al and Nina**

"Mom I need your help!" Ed called from the doorway Riza or 'mom' came in. She was in a suit with the jacket slung over her arm, a double chest holster was placed over the silk blouse-guns and extra magazines included.

"What do you need help with Edward, and good you remembered to call me mom." Riza questioned.

"Well with a 'mom' who is the best gunman-woman in the whole damn Amestrian military I'm not talking my chances, and...You see I don't remember how to tie a tie. Could you help me?" Ed then continued into a continuous stream of trying to remember how the 'thingy' went and why he had to wear the 'damn tie' as Riza tied it for him.

_God, I'm starting to realize how young Ed really is, but he always acts so tough. He is really is just a kid _Riza thought to herself as she tied his tie.

Roy had left for work earlier in the morning and wouldn't be back till almost 8:00. Leaving Riza to get Ed to school and continue to unpack.

"Ok you have your lunch money? You have your books-you're not wearing steel toed boots to school Edward Elric! Wear the dress shoes the military sent." Riza interrogated Ed as she ushered them out the door.

* * *

"Have a good day at school sweetheart!" Riza called out the window as Ed walked towards the front door.

"Mom shut up, and don't worry I'll get right on that" Ed muttered darkly.

* * *

"Ok class...class!" Professor Armstrong said tapping the front desk lightly with a pointer stick "CLASS!" Dead silence "Ok, that's better. Class we have a new student" Armstrong continued gesturing Ed to step forward. He stepped forward cautiously.

"Armstrong, is that you?" Ed blurted out quietly.

"Pardon?"

"Never mind."

"Oh anyway, this is Edward Mustang a new student- Edward wave to your classmates and say a little something about yourself." The professor commanded.

"No thanks I'll pass" Ed replied. The whole class did a double take: no one was ever rude to Professor Armstrong.

"Well then" Professor Armstrong said as if nothing had been said. "I expect every one of you to be kind to Edward and help him if he needs anything. Umm there's an empty seat over there by Haruhi and one of the twins I can never remember which one is which, well anyway have a seat and we can start with today's lesson. So continuing what we learned yesterday...." Ed stopped paying attention he already knew math and was first in finishing the worksheet.

* * *

Later at lunch

"Hey Edward, Edward Mustang" Haruhi Fugioka called as Ed made to sit at an empty table she ran up beside him.

"You wanna sit with the other guys and me? I mean were the host club and all but Kyoyo thinks you have potential that is if you- you know what never mind you can't sit alone though." She trailed off at the look he was giving her.

"So you're a girl who wears the guys' uniform and you're a member of the host club. Do they know you're a girl?" Ed questioned, he knew the answer but was supposed to be oblivious.

"Of course they know and how did you know?" Haruhi hissed.

"Easy, you look like a girl." Ed hissed back. They were now at the table.

"Oh no oh no there is no way that this short little shrimp of a kid is the one you were talking about!" Tamaki hissed, Ed guessed that he wasn't happy about him breaking his nose. "That's the pipsqueak that broke my nose."

_Don't re-break his nose! Don't re-break his nose! DONT RE-BREAK HIS NOSE! _Ed thought a nerve in his forehead twitching.

"I'd like to remind you that you thought I was a GIRL the first time we met!" Ed growled in a quiet voice.

"Well you do have long blonde hair and- OUCH that hurt!" Ed had kicked Tamaki with his left leg.

_He earned it but moms going to kill me if I broke something _Ed thought panicking slightly.

"Takashi why is the lunch room empty?" Honey asked tugging slightly at Takashi's sleeve.

...

"Crap I didn't get to eat anything" Ed moaned as they threw out their untouched lunches and headed for class.

* * *

At the end of the day

-Music Room Three

"Kyoyo why, why of all people did the possible new host have to be that, that, that short little pipsqueak?" Tamaki whined.

"Well he has the looks and his interests and personality are largely different than what we have available for the guests currently."Kyoyo responded blandly, as 'the king' just gaped at him in horror.

"HE BROKE MY NOSE! How does making him a host serve my beautiful nose justice? It's just not fair." Tamaki continued to whine.

"Stop whining Edward Mustang is coming for an interview this afternoon." The king continued to gape in horror as he sat on the couch icing his shin where 'the pipsqueak' had kicked him.

* * *

"But I don't want to go!" Ed complained.

"Well too bad!" Haruhi, Hikaru and Kaoru yelled back to him as they pushed/dragged him down the hallway to the music room. A Hitachiin twin at each arm and Haruhi pushing from behind.

"IM NOT GOING IN!" they were at the door and Ed was fighting harder than ever.

"Just give in already you're going in!" All three practically yelled at him as he braced his hands against the door.

"On three. One...Two...Three!" They yelled giving Ed a final shove.

BANG

CRASH

BOOM

"Ouch my back..."

**So you like? Hope you did!**

**We're going to try and update very soon, hopefully once a week**

**Read and Review they make us very happy **_**Cough NINA cough**_

**Love you guys' xoxo**

**Al and Nina**


	4. Chapter 3: The Happy Family?

**Sorry for the late update but Christmas time was crazy this year. So here is the next chapter hope you guys like it!**

**Al & Nina**

By the time the dust had cleared Tamaki, Kyoyo, Mori and Honey could see a pile of arms and legs- Edward Mustang being at the bottom of the pile.

"Ouch my back..." Ed moaned in slight pain.

_How come I'm always at the bottom of the piles and thrown through doors? _Ed though bitterly.

"Takashi! I think they need help." Honey commented, Mori responded with nothing but a small nod of the head and started to untangle Haruhi from the top of the pile, after placing her gently beside him he grabbed Edward from the underarms and pulled him out from the bottom.

_That's strange his right shoulder seems to be made of a much harder, colder material._

He placed him beside Haruhi quickly, and then continued to try and sort out the identical in EVERY way Hitachiin twins.

* * *

10 minutes later........after the twins were sorted out.

"So...you are aware of what a host club member does, correct?" Kyoyo stated with a 'friendly' gin plastered on his face. Edward looked n gaping.

_Wow it's like a younger Mustang with glasses but this one is good and finance_

"From a previous meeting with our 'majesty'." Kyoyo continued his voice questioning as Ed continued to gape.

Ed collected himself quickly.

"Uhm no duh-or did you completely miss the tall creeps nose bandage?!" Ed said in a tone that could rival Col. Mustang.

"Oh, well I was slightly confused; I mean you looked a little stunned."

_God does this guy even have a relaxed side _

"Okay, so...Course I know what the host club is-but do you think you could clarify some things for me?"

"Of course." Kyoyo replied gesturing for Ed to continue.

"Kay then, well first off why? I mean like why do you even have a host club?" Ed questioned in a cautious voice.

"Well," none other than Tamaki began "the host club purpose is very basic. It is a place where devilishly good looking men with too much time on their hands entertain equally good looking young ladies." With that he broke out into song and dance out into a song about what the host club can do.

_What is he? Not bothersome- well that too but there's a word the describes him perfectly. What is it? What is that word again-that's it!_

"Annoying! You're annoying." Ed blurted out loudly. Tamaki cut off suddenly.

"That's exactly what I said!" Haruhi cut in.

"Thank you for once someone openly agrees with me!"Tamaki was now hiding in the corner his back turned from them.

"HAHAHAHAHA..." Kaoru and Hikaru had come up Ed laughing. "That's it you're hired! You are now a member of the host club!"

* * *

At the Mustang house –about an hour later

"MOM!"

Clunk

"Aww man that hurt. I'm in the kitchen Edward." Riza hollered.

"There you are!" said Ed sliding into the kitchen. "So guess who got into the host club on their first day of school?" Edward continued striking an 'epic' pose.

"I don't know-but I know it's not you!" Roy butted in walking into the kitchen.

"Hey! I thought you were at work till 8." Ed moaned.

"Well-" Roy was cut off.

"Edward continue." Riza stated calmly.

"Thank you well I, Edward Elric got into the host club on my first day of school, and did you know Roy that Kyoyo is just like you-personality wise only a lot smarter? Oh ya-and my homeroom teachers name is PROF. Alex Louis Armstrong-just so you know!" Edward ended looking up at 'mom' and 'dad' to see them gaping back at him.

"Let me get this right your teacher is Major Armstrong's alternate person thingy?" Roy questioned using a lot of hand gestures and confusing himself even more.

"Ya, that about sums it up!" Ed piped him. Roy glared at him

"Okay so you guys can have one of the frozen dinner I picked up at the store or make something yourself." Riza quickly avoided a violent argument walking over to the fridge to make herself a salad.

_Now that was heartless_ Roy thought to himself.

"So you never did tell us why your home so early?" Riza said trying to lighten the mood. Roy and Ed were still mad at each other.

"Oh what?" Roy perked up. "Oops right. Uhm well how do I say this well...I got fired."

..............

BANG

Riza knocked over the chair she was sitting on and pulled out her guns

BANG-BANG-BANG

"YOU IDIOT! HOW COULD YOU GET YOURSELF FIRED? HONESTLY, IF YOU DONT HAVE A JOB WE SHOULD JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE NOW!" Riza hollered. There were three bullet holes in the wall around Roy's head. Roy looked like he was going to be sick.

"Ya Mustang you've ruined the entire mission, and I worked so hard to get into the host club, all for nothing. To top it off were gonna go back to Amestris and you're going to get bumped back to Major!" Ed added Riza had now calmed down ever-so slightly.

"So how did you get yourself fired maybe we can make it seem like someone else did it." At Roy's silence Riza glared

"Uhm well you see I wish we could but not many people could set their own desk on fire."

BANG-Ed had fallen off his chair in laughter.

_Ok don't put anymore bullet holes in the wall, calm down. Breathe, breathe, BREATHE!_

"So Edward did you get into any trouble today?" the laughter stopped.

"No-well not really, I mean I kicked Tamaki Suoh in the shin..."

"With what leg?" Riza replied sternly.

"Left?" Ed questioned in a near whisper. It was now Roy's turn to fall off his chair laughing. Riza sighed loudly.

_Don't shoot them. Don't shoot them. DON'T SHOOT THEM! Oh screw it_

BANG

**K so theres the next chapter! **** Hope you liked it**

**Please R&R**

**Al and Nina **


	5. Chapter 4: Cafeteria Fun

**Hey! **

**Okay, so here's the next chapter we are truly sorry we are not updating very fast, it's just with Christmas and New Years- we didn't have the time. Please know we are trying. Also i read the other chapters and thought that they lacked emotion so i figured Id try to fix that and ended up rewriting most of the chapter, but the basic point of the chapters still there and Im rambling now. I should really stop....**

**So yeah read and love**

**No we don't own FullMetal Alchemist or Ouran High- we wish we did though! **

**-Al and Nina**

* * *

"- And its 6:30 in the AM. It looks like its going to be a beautiful day, mild with a high of-" Ed woke to the radio on his alarm clock, turning it off with a grunt of reluctance he started to get up.

_Now how does this go again? Is it the long part __over __the short or __under__ the short part? Oh forget it ill just get Riza to- wait she's probably still pissed……… Fine Ill get Roy do tell me its not like he has anywhere to go. How stupid could you get, setting your own desk on fire! _Ed thought as he got ready for school. Walking down the stairs he recalled last night.

* * *

Riza had run out of bullets after the last one.

_Thank god she did, she nearly hit me! _Ed recalled with a shiver. After she ran out she righted her chair, sat back down, and continued eating her salad as if nothing had happened.

"You had better start eating otherwise your dinners are going to get cold" She said not even bothering to look up from her plate. Ed and Roy fixed their chairs and sat back down to eat, shooting Riza a cautious glance every minute or two.

"So. Tomorrow afternoon I will go to the station and fix the files putting it down as a wire short-circuited on your desk. Roy I want you to continue unpacking in the living room or dinning room after you've dropped Edward off at school. Edward you will be going to school, act as if nothing happened and if Tamaki Suoh asks what he heard just now say he must be hearing things." Riza explained.

"Is everyone clear on the plan for tomorrow?"

"Yes Ma'am" Ed and Roy answered with the strictness you only got with being in the military.

* * *

Roy was the one that dropped Ed off at school- as per Riza's request.

_That's it! Tomorrow I'm taking a page out of Haruhi's book and taking the train! _Ed thought bitterly as he got out of the car, Roy had gotten them lost three times. As Ed turned to face the school he saw the host club walking towards him.

_Let the Fun begin!_

"Hey, how's it going Ed?" Haruhi asked as Ed walked up to the group of friends.

"Oh, everything's going great. Just crazy you know with all the unpacking and going to school, then there's the whole lack of sleep thing 'cause I'm up all night unpacking." Ed replied sarcastically. The twins had a look of deep concern and concentration on their faces.

"So not that well then." The twins concluded sarcastically right back to Ed after a moment of "thought".

"Eddy!" Honey called to Ed who turned to face Honey with an uneasy look on his face. Did he really want to hear what Honey had to say?

"Eddy, last night after you left, I was wondering." Honey paused looking at Ed's face as if to see if it was safe to continue. There was a slight twitch in Ed's eye that went unnoticed Honey continued, seeing no "danger".

"Why are you so short? And why do you wear your hair so long?" Honey concluded innocently enough as they reached the front doors of the school.

_Eddy? Eddy? Who said he could call me Eddy? _Ed thought his eye twitching again, this time Haruhi noticed it as she opened the door to go into the school. She shook her head quietly as if to tell Ed not to say anything he'd regret later.

"Not sure." Ed started trying to think of a reason he would be so short. He'd never had to have a reason for being short he usually just started yelling and kicking at the person who called him short.

"My umm a umm, Uncle Maes says its because my dad dropped me on my head a dozen or so times. And I don't know that's just how I wear my hair, always have." Ed finished as calmly as he could, slightly unsure of their response.

"Oh. Cool!" Honey said his face breaking into a smile

"I'm short because my mommy was short. Your reason is much more interesting, but it does sound a little painful. Doesn't it Takashi!" Looking down at Mori from his shoulders Honey said excitedly. Mori simply nodded in response to Honey's statement. The bell rang through out the school just as they passed Ed, Haruhi and the twins' classroom.

"See you all at lunch" Haruhi called to the others as they continued down the hall to their classrooms.

* * *

Ed let his mind wonder in class. It was first period- math and Ed already knew it all. His mind wondered everywhere eventually he started thinking about what Alphonse and Winry were up to. He chuckled quietly to himself at the thought of Winry in the girls uniform.

_Good thing they didn't send her along with us I cant even imagine Winry in these uniforms! It would probably be covered in grease and the pockets full of holes from her cramming so many tools into them._

He smiled to himself thinking of how much Winry would hate having to wear a dress to school everyday. His arm slipped off the desk waking him from his daydream. Prof. Armstrong had finished the lesson and they were now supposed to be doing the work so he could see if they understood it all.

"Hey! Welcome back to planet Earth!" Haruhi said laughing slightly at the look of astonishment on Ed's face.

"Oh, right. Hey." Ed replied yawning.

"So is Ouran High really that boring that you daydream in class like that, I noticed you daydreaming in class yesterday too." Haruhi asked.

"No it's not that boring. I mean its alright I guess." Ed stated with a shrug as if it would get rid of how tired he was.

"I guess this school would be a little boring if you wear born into this lifestyle. But hey, I bet your old school didn't have a host club!" Haruhi joked.

"Yeah that's for sure- no host club there. Also I wasn't born into this lifestyle" Ed realized his blunder.

"My mom was, I mean I was raised to appreciate the "finer" things in life I guess you could say. But I wasn't born into it, my granddad was really rich but when my mom married my dad. Well you know these rich people they want more money and social status and my dad was just a cop who was good at what he did, so I guess you could put two and two together right? Meaning this is my first "rich kids school" I guess." Ed continued quickly.

"So anyway, this school is a tad on the boring side if you get what I mean there's no students being sent to the office for playing a prank or whatever" Ed continued changing the subject quickly.

_Now that was smooth way of grounding a background story if I do say so myself. _Ed boasted to himself. Haruhi didn't miss a beat.

"Yeah that makes sense, but why would these kids play a prank or have a fight with the teacher. It would just mess up their reputation and their parents would just take them out and send them to another school. Then there are the girls, they think they'd get their precious hair and dresses messed up!" Ed and Haruhi laughed at how stupid some of these people were. Everyone around them was also talking so they didn't really care how loud they laughed. When they stopped laughing Ed asked.

"I still don't get why- wait don't answer that"

"Hey you two!" the twins popped up it seemed out of nowhere. The two burst out laughing again. The twins looked at each other and shrugged; whatever they were laughing at they were oblivious to it.

"So, are we right in saying that we over heard you saying that you think there isn't enough trouble at Ouran High?" The twins continued.

"Well-" Ed tried to but in but the twins cut him off.

"Well why didn't you tell us"

"We were thinking the same thing"

"This school needs to be shaken up a bit"

"We were thinking along the lines of Food Fight in the cafeteria!" The twins finished proudly. Edward and Haruhi gapped at them for a moment. Ed was the first to comment.

"I like that idea!"

* * *

"Oh come on you guys you cant he serious! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of! We, we, we could be kicked out! Did you hear even hear me? We could be kicked out!"

"Yes we heard you. Just like we heard you the first fifty million times before." The three boys said in unison looking over their shoulders to Haruhi.

"We'll do it tomorrow!'

"Yeah that's good"

"We'll throw it at someone with temper that way when they throw something back we'll duck and they'll hit someone else"

"So who's gonna throw the first one?"

"Which one of us has the fastest reflexes?"

"I think Ed does."

"Ed you wanna throw the first one?"

"You don't have to ask me twice"

"Would you three at least look at me? This is crazy, you are all crazy!"

"Oh come on Haruhi it'll be fun!" Ed said looking at Haruhi. Haruhi knew when she saw a lost cause.

"I'll keep look out at the doors so you don't get caught."

"Awesome! You're the best Haruhi!" The twins gave her a hug.

* * *

**The Next Day- **At lunch!

"Hey guys so whose got the worst temper 'round here? Ed questioned quietly as a boy wearing a hat walked by.

"Well there's-" The twins cut Haruhi off.

"The kid with the hat that just walked by you, Tom D. he's a class a B student."

Whoosh

SMACK!

Ed flicked the spoon sending a spoonful of mushy peas at the boy's head. Ed smiled evilly.

"Who did that?" The boy saw Ed with the spoon still in his hand.

_Whoops! Oh damn here we go! _Ed thought laughing slightly ducking as a plate of rice soared overhead. It missed Ed only to hit the a class A girl Ed knew from class in the back of the head.

"Ewww! Ewww! Ewww! That's so gross! Get it off me! Ewww! Ewww! Ewww!" She cried, her boyfriend took offence and threw his dessert at the Tom kid. His aim was horrible and he hit another boy, officially starting the food fight. The others at Ed's table started throwing food also.

Girls were running for the exits and boys were flinging food in every direction. Ed, Haruhi, Koaru and Hitaru in the middle of it all. Tamaki was hiding under a table while the other members of the host club had decided to eat lunch outside today.

_Man Tamaki doesn't know what he's missing! Oops!_ Ed ducked again as the Tom guy threw a punch at him, the kid stumbled but regained his balance. Ed straightened as the boy threw another punch hitting Ed in the shoulder.

"Hey! What's your problem man?" Ed questioned, not that he needed too, as he sidestepped a punch from another boy Ed kicked him in the nose then twisted his arm and punched it he heard it snap. Now there were still at least four people ganging up on Ed. The twins were in a similar situation right next to Ed, who seemed to be doing all the work as the twins tried to smooth talk their way out of the fight eventually they gave up and started punching.

_Oh god this is getting out of hand! If they get caught I'm gonna… _Haruhi trailed off as a hand placed itself lightly on her shoulder. Haruhi looked up, taking her eyes off the now rather large fistfight.

"Hello Principal Curtis." She said with a gulp.

* * *

**Hey!**

**So you like? **

**Sorry we haven't been updating its just been a little crazy NewYears, Exams, Culminating Activities the usual excuses.**

**You know the drill read and review!**

**Also thank-you to all your reviews even if Im horrible and don't reply back to them, they mean the world to us!**

**We love you all, yes even the people who go on rants about our spelling and habit of writing 'u' instead of 'you'**

**-Al and Nina**


	6. Authors Note

**Author's Note **

Okay, Okay don't kill us… Yet.

Don't worry we're not discontinuing the story.

So here's the Excuse: EXAMS and semester 2 starting. We are very sorry for the month long wait but it will be posted within the week.

Thank you to those that continue to review and favorite this story, WE LOVE YOU! We hope you still will read the story and the next two chapters will be really long to make up for the wait and show you how sorry we are.

**-Al and Nina**

Did we say we were sorry?


	7. Chapter 5: Oh Shit!

**Hello!**

**We told you it would be up and here it is… Finally.**

**Oh yeah about the title. We just thought it suited the chapter well.**

**(Laughs quietly) **

**So anyway here we go!**

**-Al and Nina**

**Disclaimer: We do not own anything just the crazy ideas ; )**

"I am absolutely disgusted! To think that four let me say again, FOUR class A students would start a food fight then have a violent Fist Fight in the middle of that chaos!" Principal Curtis was fuming in anger.

"And you, Haruhi Fugioka. I expected better of you, you are the schools first scholarship student. I am so disgusted. My secretary has called your parents they're in the waiting area now, how am I to tell them that their children…" The principal's words went in one ear and out the other for Ed.

_Typical! My homeroom teachers Armstrong and my principals Teacher! –I should've seen this one coming! _Ed thought annoyed.

"Mustang, Edward Mustang! Are you even listening to me?" The principal was now so angry one could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

"What on earth did Edward do to get sent to the office?" Riza questioned into the headset of the phone, annoyed.

"Him and several other students caused a disturbance in the school cafeteria." The secretary replied.

"You are expected to come to the main office of Ouran High School immediately. Principal Curtis will be expecting you and the other parents shortly." With that she hung up.

_God, I don't think I'll ever get used to these rich people._ Riza thought as she grabbed her coat and made for the car that sat in the driveway of the Mustang house.

"Mustang here."

"Hello Lt. Mustang, my name is Ms. McClaire. I am Principal Curtis' personal secretary." The voice on the other end of the line stated.

"Uhhh… Okay Ms. McClaire what can I do for you?"

"Principal Curtis wishes that you would come down to the school. Your son, Edward Mustang has caused some trouble in the school lunch room."

"Can't you simply get my wife Riza to come down?" Roy almost whined. He just got his job back and didn't want anyone to have an excuse to fire him again.

"We have already contacted your wife and she is on her way now. The principal feels that your son caused enough damage to property and person that serious punishment must be dealt."

_Okay so Elric got himself in a bunch of shit. Great._

"Okay, okay. I'll be there." Roy actually was whining now.

"Thank-you, Principals Curtis will be expecting you." Roy put the phone down and grabbed his coat.

"Hmmmm mmm mmm…" Roy hummed quietly to himself. He glanced around the office's waiting room. To him it looked like he had walked into Fuher Bradley's office back home.

Click

The door closed quietly behind someone who had walked in.

"Don't tell me you were fired again!" Roy jumped slightly as he woke from his daydreaming to his sub-ordinate standing in front of him fuming.

"No, no! I didn't get fired, the school. The school called me and said I needed to come down!" Roy panicked.

"Good." Riza huffed as she gestured for Roy to budge up so she could sit down beside him.

"So how'd you get them to let you out? Its like your second day back." Riza questioned after she had calmed down.

"SHIT!" Roy practically yelled.

"I forgot to ask!" The other people in the office glared at him. Riza had her head in her hands and was muttering darkly to herself.

"Sorry. Sorry won't happen again." Roy spoke quietly in response to the glares that were all around him.

"I have to… Go make a call." He muttered to Riza. He then turned on his heel and out the door into the hall way.

The colonel looked at the caller I.D on the phone.

Finally!" He growled darkly.

"Speak to me Mustang and you better have a good reason for leaving. I tried your office, your cell, your pager and your home and all I got was a headache! Now you better get back now or you can kiss your job goodbye!" Roy cringed at the voice.

Col. Kimbley, I'm sorry! Its just that my son's school called and needed me to come down." Roy tried to explain.

Lt. Mustang, you have a wife correct? So tell me why SHE didn't go down to the academy?"

"She did. She is, they just said that they needed both of us!" Roy was trying not to whine now.

"That would be when you tell them your busy and can't leave work Mustang! I ought to fire you RIGHT NOW!"

"Yes sir. But you cant it was only the one time it wont happen again! Its just this was the first time he got in trouble at school and I didn't want to test these people just yet you know what I mean?" Kimbley thought about this for a minute.

"Fine, but consider this your lunch break."

"Yes sir, don't worry it wont happen again."

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." They both hung up.

"You big suck up." Roy jumped again; Riza was standing in the doorway.

"Come on Fire-boy the secretary said the principals almost ready for us."

"Why me? How come my boss has to be Kimbley?" Roy moaned as they walked back into the office behind a man with long hair

"Look on the bright side at least its not Archer!" Riza replied laughing quietly.

"I'm so sorry I'm late I was at work on the other side of town and needed to stop off at home." The man with the long hair said to the secretary. He seemed out of breath.

"You must be Mr. Fugioka, Haruhi's father."

"Yeah-" The opening of the principal's office door cut him off.

"The principal would like to see all the parents." Haruhi stood in the doorway. She looked like someone had spilled her biggest secret to the school. (1) She turned around and at back down in a chair off to the side with the three others.

Some caretakers had placed four other considerably more comfortable chairs in front of the principal's desk. The principal's back was turned and she was looking out the window as the last ambulance left the driveway. She was wearing a plain graphite coloured suit with her hair tied back into a messy yet somehow artistic bun at the back of her head.

_Good_ She thought to herself as the ambulance left. _Don't want that there when the school day ends. Those kids are in so much trouble. How did I know that the Mustang kid was going to be bad news?_ The door silently clicked shut behind the parents. She could tell that they were each taking a seat. That is everyone but if her judgment was correct and it usually was, Mustang.

_So that's where the kid gets the attitude._ Principal Curtis' mouth slightly twitched in the corner.

"Roy sit down." Riza said quietly patting the chair next to her.

"No, I don't think I will. I think I'll stand." Roy replied. Riza rolled her eyes and turned to face the desk.

_Now why does she look familiar? Where have I seen her before?_ Riza thought to herself tilting her head slightly. Behind her Roy was thinking the same thing. Ed was off to the side rolling his eyes at the arrogance and irony of the situation.

The ambulance turned the corner and out of sight. Principal Izumi Curtis nodded to herself then turned around. Roy's face was that of a dead man.

_Oh God! Not HER! Please please please not her!_ Roy panicked to himself, to Ed he looked a little faint. Riza just stared blankly back at the principal.

"Lt. Mustang, please, have a seat." The principal said quietly.

"Sure, sure." Mustang sat down silently.

"So let us get down to business. Shall we? You may or may not know the full reason for you being here so I'll explain. Your child or children" Izumi Curtis said nodding to Mrs. Hitachin. "Has made a mess of the school lunch room with a food fight which then progressed into a violent fist fight." The principal continued briskly yet sternly.

"It is my job as principal to make sure that the other students don't get any ideas and start thinking causing a mess and trouble is fun. So I just wanted to you all to know the reasoning behind each punishment." Mrs. Izumi Curtis had her arms behind her hands clasped together an air of confidence surrounded her.

_Bla bla bla bla bla. Come on already! Just dish out the punishment no need to sugar coat it! Mmmmm sugar. Damn I'm hungry. That looked like a good lunch too. I wonder if Rizas so pissed she won't let me clear out the fridge! Oh, but I'm so hungry._

**So there it is! Hope you like it, you have no idea how hard it was o get this posted. The next one as per request (**_**cough Nina cough) **_**will not have any effect on the story line its just gonna be a little Valentine's Day Fluff.**

**You know the drill Read and Review**

**-Al and Nina**


	8. Valentine's Day!

**Hello!**

**So anyway recap: This is just a little side story we had hoped we could use but we didn't develop the story enough for it to make sense currently. We hope you like it; consider this as a present for all you lovely reviewers :)**

**-Al and Nina**

It was your typical Friday in music room three of Ouran Academy. The host club members were ushering out the last stragglers of girls. With a sigh of relief Ed and Haruhi collapsed on the couch tossing used napkins into the air, the group of friends watched the napkins float down to the ground. Kyoyo sat at a table with his laptop drafting out the next months finances. He stopped typing and looked at the others.

"If you have nothing to do, you could pick up those tissues instead of just looking at them." The Hitachin twins glared at him.

"We will do things as we please." They stuck their noses in the air, summoning an air of royalty. The others took the hint with smiles on their faces.

"Oh course your majesties! You will only do such lowly things when you please." Honey and Haruhi said in mock awe bowing so far that their noses almost touched the ground. Ed rolled his eyes and Tamaki taking the 'majesty' line as an insult huffed, stood up and walked into his corner. Honey, Haruhi, Koaru and Hitaru rolled in laughter; Ed smiled slightly in spite of his will not too. Tamaki came back to the group when he noticed that he wasn't getting any attention.

"I'm going home. Ed you better get moving too, if your mom sees that I'm home and your not she won't be happy."

"Okay. Okay. I'm coming. I'm coming" He got up with a grunt, a flash of pain came over his face but as quickly as it came, the pained look had left his face.

_Damn, I better get Winry… I better look at that when I get home, I think I'll stand on the train home._

"You gonna come Haruhi?" Haruhi was on the same train as him for most of the ride to the house that Ed lived in with his "mom" and "dad".

"Actually we need to speak as a group for a quick moment." Ed continued to stand, as he didn't want to draw attention to the fact that his leg hurt. Everyone was aware that his arm was metal but not his leg and he planned to keep it that was as long as possible. When they had found out about his arm they would ogle at it every chance they got, even Haruhi who said she thought it was weird for a person to have a metal arm, plastic and metal yes but solid metal, now to her that was weird. They all moaned in annoyance, Kyoyo's "small talks" tended to last a rather long time usually and hour or two.

"Does anyone know what the date will be tomorrow?" He glanced around seeming to not hear the groans. Honey raised his hand and was jumping up and down on the spot.

"February 14th." He stated proudly when Kyoyo had pointed at him. Ed and Haruhi groaned again.

"So you all know that means"

Valentines Day Dance!" The twins screamed in their ears causing them to jump in fright. Ed sat down again and with Haruhi slumped into the couch.

"And all Host club members are required to attend the only reason you are excused is if"

"You have died a slow painful death." The twins concluded again. Ed and Haruhi slumped even lower into the couch both wishing they had left earlier and missed this conversation.

"Do I have to come I think my dad has plans for us to go…" Trailing off Ed looked at Kyoyo, the guy knew everything it was useless to try and lie.

"I'll be there." Ed moaned as Haruhi let out a sigh of defeat. They all looked at Haruhi.

"Fine. I'll be there." She said in reply to their faces, she was not in the celebrating mood. They continued to talk about final plans a.k.a what Haruhi would wear till Ed's cell phone began to ring loudly. The front of the phone showed a picture of a house that was vibrating.

"That would be my cue to leave." Ed grabbed his bag and was almost to the door when Haruhi called.

"Hey wait up, I'm coming too."

The next day Ed woke too Riza talking on the phone.

"Of course don't worry he'll be there for four o'clock sharp." Ed groaned when he realized that Kyoyo must have called his mom to tell her about the dance. He continued down the stairs as Riza hung up the phone.

"So there's a dance today at the school." It was a statement not a question.

"Yeah so?"

"So Kyoyo said that as a member of the host club, who by the way are hosting the dance, you have to go. Were you planning on sleeping all day and not tell me."

"I was going to go I just wasn't gonna tell you." Riza glared at Ed

"It's twelve o'clock I want you to go upstairs grab a shower and be back down in an hour. You will then have breakfast go back upstairs and get dressed for the dance your dark grey suit with the red tie if you please. That clear.

_Some things will never change_ Ed thought as he walked back up the stairs to his room.

An hour later he walked into the kitchen to find that his mom had made him and his dad, who had decided to get up, pink heart shaped pancakes with pink milk or juice for Ed and red strawberries on the side. Ed and Roy just stared at the display for a moment some sappy love song played from the radio Riza had turned on.

"Come on stop standing there like fools eat before it gets cold." They sat down in their respectable chairs.

"Umm, Riza do you do this every year?"

"No, it's just something my dad used to do. So I figured why not have a little fun today." It was just then that Ed realized what Riza was wearing her usual black pant suit with blue shirt had been replaced with a pale grey pencil skirt and pink shirt with lots of unnecessary frills. The rest of Ed's time at home was a swirl of pink, red and black. He didn't even realize that he was at the school till his so-called friends were dragging him inside one of the large social halls where the dance would be taking place. The hour till the dance started went be quickly Ed was kept so busy doing last minute errands around the school that he didn't have time to escape as he had planned. Before he knew it the music was playing and the guests were arriving.

"Tamaki was doing his "rounds" as he liked to call them and the twins were leading a round of black jack. Kyoyo snuck up behind Haruhi and Ed.

"You two have to participate you know." At their silence he continued. "Ed you go dance with Ms. Adams the class A student over there in the pink dress." He was reading off a sheet of paper with each members name at the top of a list of girls names.

_This is going to be a long night_ Ed thought bitterly.

"Which one in the pink dress there's like ten of them in that group alone."

"The one with the braided black hair." He replied. "And Haruhi you can go dance with ah yes Ms. Smith (1)." He then turned on his heel and walked away. Giving each other a good luck they walked off toward their chosen dance partners.

"Umm, Ms. Adams" Ed tapped the girls arm; she turned quickly when she saw her friends faces.

"Oh, hello."

"Would you like to dance?" Ed gestured at the dance floor where several other pairs were dancing in time to the music.

"Oh yes please" the girl said.

_Great another rich bimbo! _Ed put on a smile and led her to the floor. They swayed in time to the music. Ed, with a slightly pained expression that the girl misread and thought was nerves. The song ended Ed led the girl back to her friends and went to Kyoyo.

"Alright who's next?" The process continued like this for an hour, every time the song ended Edward would lead the girl back to where he had found her and looked at the sheet Kyoyo had given him so he wasn't going over to him every time a song ended.

_Finally the last one… How do you even say that name? Whatever I'll just pull the lady line._

Ed cleared his throat behind the girl; they were always in groups and only ever turned when their friend's eyes went wide with envy.

"Oh hello Mr. Mustang." The girl said turning to face him, he smiled and asked the question.

_By the end of this mission asking questions defiantly wont be a problem anymore. Hey I could even ask Winry out_. His smile broadened, the girl thinking he was looking at her, smiled back and began to dance.

_I don't know what I did but she hit me like down right hit me with a… Oh what is it that thing that poor people use to tighten things? A wrench? So anyway I try to be nice to this drop dead gorgeous girl right. And she's like all don't you pull that on me mister and hits me with a wrench!_

"Hey what was that for?" Tamaki said in a hurtful voice.

"Don't pull those puppy eyes on me mister a simple hello would've worked much better! No need to drape your arm over my shoulder and try to seduce me! The girl was gripping the wrench very tightly her blue eyes flashing in anger. She was wearing an empire waistline floor length red taffeta and organza strapless dress, a small blood red ruby with a minuscule black symbol engraved in black was on silver chain around her neck and her blond hair left straight trailing down to the small of her back. Tamaki was not going to put up with this; he stood up and bowed slightly to the girl.

"I'm so sorry my princess, please forgive me. My name is Tamaki Suoh, King of the Ouran High School Host Club. I am sorry, but I did not catch your name in all this excitement." Tamaki thought that perhaps she was a new student whose friend had convinced to come.

"Rockbell. Winry Rockbell." The girl replied. "Now stop bowing it's annoying to be talking to the wall behind you and not a person." Tamaki straightened. This girl almost scared him, she was as headstrong as Ed and Ed was not a person you wanted on the other side in a fight.

"I was wondering if you could point out… Never mind I see him. Thanks for nothing! Moron." Winry started walking over to the dance floor.

_Just smile and nod smile and nod_. Ed thought to himself at that moment he heard a bang, like metal hitting flesh. No one else had noticed it so he passed it off as his imagination. He looked up to the entranceway to see none other then Winry Rockbell turning away from Tamaki who looked like someone had hit him with a wrench, he blinked.

_It isn't possible she can't be here why would they send her here? Its not like I've gone around the house complaining about my leg or anything. _To Ed's great relief the song ended as he led the girl back to her friends. He looked back at Winry to find that the other members who had long since ran out of people to dance with trying to catch Winry's attention. He laughed slightly and started walking over to the group of people.

Haruhi was beside Winry trying in vain to tell everyone to back off. Ed walked up to them as Kyoyo summoned them into a side room before anyone noticed that attention one girl was getting. He slipped in after them.

"Hey guys what you up to? Oh right your trying to kill someone be bombarding them with yourselves, nice, nice, real classy. Now lets see who it is this time." Ed took great pleasure in the faces of the host club members who were now trying to convince poor Winry that they did not do this to every girl it was only because she was so beautiful that they acted like this.

"Oh shut up already you lot Tamaki's already had a wrench to the head and if you don't want to be next leave Winry alone." Ed realized his mistake, his "friends" now attacked him.

"How you know her?"

"She your girlfriend Ed?"

"Ed you didn't say you had a girlfriend!"

"No one would date Ed especially this girl!"

"Guys! Hey guys! GUYS!" The room went silent.

"Thank you Haruhi."

"Don't mention it. Besides I did it more Winry then for you she looked like she was going to flip any second."

"Either way thanks." At that moment Kyoyo decided to walk in.

"You are being rather loud and as such our guests have noticed your disappearance. All of you, out into the party again. Miss if you could please go out that door and back into the hall through the main doors just so it looks more like a heated discussion then anything else."

"Sure." Winry slipped out the main door. Ed was waiting for her when she got to the front of the hall. To Winry, Ed looked like he had a red tomato for a head he was so embarrassed. Her face broke out into a grin at the sight of him, she glanced around everyone had gone back to the party, out of nowhere she gave him a strangling hug causing his face to go even redder. She noticed that if she had not been in heels she would've almost had to stretch to reach him (2). He hugged her back.

"Look at you Edward Elric in a suit. Where's the camera?" Winry said laughing when they broke apart.

"I wouldn't be talking look at that dress! And don't call me Elric my names Mustang round here."

"I know, I'm just having some fun with you. Honestly, you'd think a year of hanging around those host club members would have loosened you up a bit. By the way you gonna tell me who everyone is?" Ed rolled his eyes at the comment.

"Well, I see you've met Tamaki Suoh." They both laughed at Tamaki walked by. "And Haruhi Fugioka is the one that defended you from the mob. Umm the two red heads are the Hitachin twins the one on the right is Kaoru and the one on the left is Hikaru- oh wait scratch that, they switched sides never mind. Then there's Kyoyo Ohtori you'll realize that he's like Mustang only a lot smarter… I mean a LOT smarter. Oh right and the short one with the blond hair" Ed waited for the comment but it didn't come, Winry smirked. "He's the second oldest here his name is Mitsukuni Haninozuka but we just call him honey and the tall guy with him that's Takashi Morinozuka more commonly known as Mori only Honey calls him by his full name." Ed pointed at each person in turn.

Across the room the others had gathered together around Kyoyo.

"So who is she?" The twins asked, everyone looked at Kyoyo he always had an answer.

"I don't know." At everyone's face he explained himself. "I've looked everywhere that I have access to and even to some places I don't and I still can't find her." Everyone was astounded they all joked about it even slightly wished that he couldn't at times but they always thought that Kyoyo could tell you who anyone was at anytime.

"So what exactly are you doing here? Ed asked.

"Technically, I'm your Valentine's Day present from Roy and Riza but when Riza said that you had been limping round the house for the past week I decided to come on business." Ed laughed at the thought of Roy giving him a Valentines Day present or a present in general for that matter.

"I'm telling the truth I am here because you needed my assistance. You seem to have grown over the year so that's most likely the reason for you limping everywhere." Winry said in reply to the laughter, smiling.

"Oh yeah about that, umm my leg is just sore. It's a, umm just that my arm you see, I might have kinda sort of broke it." Ed stopped laughing and braced himself for impact. Across the hall Honey yawned.

"Takashi, I'm tired." He said tugging at the end of Mori's coat, they all had watched Ed and his friend Winry for a long time, they had only found out her name after Tamaki had walked by with a huge bruise on the side of his face. They all looked at their watches it was midnight and the party was winding down to an end.

"Honey you can go into the side room and take a nap it you like." Kyoyo said.

"Hey guys take a look at this Ed's girlfriend, she doesn't seem to happy now." The twins said. The others looked over at the couple and just over the buzz of the crowd they could hear Winry.

"What do you mean you BROKE it? How could you break it that was brand new the day you left?"

"Hey a year isn't that like a new record of something for me?" ED didn't get to hear the answer a wrench had hit him square in the head and he was on the ground moaning. The others walked over cackling in laughter.

"Having a good time? Hitaru? Kaoru?" Ed said from the ground his voice dripping in sarcasm. Winry held out her hand to help Ed up off the ground rolling her eyes.

"Oh yeah! Time of our lives! I must say this has been the most exciting Valentines Day Dance ever!" Now even Haruhi who had for the most part been on Ed's side was laughing.

"Eddy do you need ice for that?" Honey asked. Winry was now joining in on the laughter.

"Why are you calling him Eddy? Winry asked gasping for breath.

"Because that's his name." Honey replied causing everyone except Ed to burst into replenished fits of laughter.

"No I'm good. I'm used to this, every time I brake something she try's to kill me." Ed replied conversationally. The others looked at Winry; this girl, this sweet innocent looking girl tried to kill Ed on a regular basis? The twins were now on the ground howling in laughter. Winry was blushing furiously. Everyone else in the room was too self-absorbed to notice all this. The band at the head of the hall finished a song and the conductor stepped up to a microphone tapped it and said in a booming voice.

"Everyone, the last dance will take place in five minutes so gentlemen pick a lady, take her and dance!" The host club got to groan quickly before being attacked by girls. They all somehow managed to escape the crowd without being noticed, Haruhi slipped out the side door and returned a moment later in a dress and wig the twins then attacked her and led her over to Tamaki who took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Winry noticing the look the twins were giving her shuffled closer to Ed.

"Ed a little help here!" Ed who had been thinking of how tortured Haruhi must feel looked at where Winry was gesturing, seeing the twins he said calmly.

"Winry would you like to dance?" She just nodded silently and almost dragged Ed to the floor. By the time the five minutes were up everyone had found a partner and the last dance went off with a hitch.

A half an hour later most of the guests had left Haruhi was dressed like a boy again and they were all starting to clean up.

"Aren't you going to leave Winry?" Honey asked politely.

"No, I'm staying at the Mustang house with Ed and his family. So I'm leaving when Ed's mom gets here." Everyone stopped confused momentarily then gapped in horror.

"It's not like that!" Ed called to them. "Right Winry? Winry a little help here!"

"of course its not like that its just that I'm staying at the Mustang house because my granny is sick and in the hospital and well she's in a hospital near here so the Mustangs volunteered to take me in till she gets better." The words spilled out of her mouth.

"Your Grandmothers in the hospital?" Honey said.

"Yeah-"

"Why don't you live with your parents? Tamaki asked.

"Yeah, why don't you live with them?" The twins questioned.

"Let the girl talk guys." Haruhi motioned for them to back off.

"Thanks Haruhi. Well I don't live with my parents because they happen to be dead." Winry said defensively. "So I'm also going to be attending Ouran High as of next week." She concluded.

"Really?! I mean I'm sorry about your grandmother but that's so cool that you'll be coming to Ouran High, we can be friends!" Honey was hugging Winry's knees, sparkling in happiness.

"Awe, yeah it'll be great!" The hall was now empty of live except for the host club and Winry. A horn blew outside causing them all to jump, Ed looked out the door.

"That would our ride Winry."

"Coming! It was nice to meet you all." Winry said as she gave Haruhi a hug. She then gave Honey a large hug also then turned and walked outside and got into the car.

"See you on Monday guys!" Ed called back to them as he got in the back of the car beside Winry.

"Everyone have a good time?" Riza asked as they pulled out of the school parking lot.

"Oh yeah loads of fun, Tamaki got a black face from Winry." Ed was now laughing at the thought of Tamaki.

"He started hitting on me and thank you very much but I don't think that's very appropriate." Winry said with a huff. Ed snorted and Riza laughed.

"So you like your Present Ed?" Ed stopped laughing a blushed again.

"Yes mom I love it." Sarcasm slipping into his voice. Winry and Riza rolled their eyes they knew that Ed would never admit that he was actually over the moon about having a friend from back home.

When they got home, Riza had Roy and Ed drag Winry's "luggage" up the stairs to a room that had once housed a grand piano that they had converted into a fourth bedroom for Winry, the third makeshift bedroom was Roy's room. Saying goodnight to everyone and giving Ed a goodnight kiss on the cheek Winry went to her room exhausted, the moment her head hit the pillow she was asleep. Ed fell asleep just as fast and the next day didn't grace everyone with his presence till three o'clock in the afternoon.

"Good morning everyone." Ed grunted when he got up.

"Good afternoon to you too Ed."

"What?"

"The clock. It says three in the afternoon on the clock." Winry was gesturing to the clock behind her.

"Oh oops." Winry rolled her eyes.

_Some things will never change. Ed doing nothing but eating and sleeping is one of those things._

"Come on lets see that arm of yours"

--------------------------------------------- The End ---------------------------------------------------

**1: I'm running out of names sorry**

**2: What's a FMA fluff without a tall Ed- I'm sorry but admit it, it's true**

**Sorry it's a day late! But here it is. Hope you liked it.**

**Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!**

**Hope you liked it.**

**-Al and Nina**


	9. Chapter 6: Tamaki gets hurt

**Okay, I am so, so, so, so, a million times so SORRY! I had about the biggest case of writers block ever heard of… And still feeling the after effects.**

**-Al**

**Oh yeah! Nina's sorry too!**

**P.S.- ****THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER (VALENTINES DAY) DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE STORYLINE**** AND WAS SIMPLY SOMETHING THAT WE WISHED WE COULD HAVE DEVELOPED THE STORY ENOUGH TO HAVE IT IN THE STORY. **

**SO INSTEAD WE GAVE IT AS A GIFT TO ALL THE LOVELY READERS (WHO HAVE SO FAR NOT ATTEMPED TO KILL US FOR NOT UPDATING)**

"Takashi I'm bored." Honey whined from the couch where he was lounging, cake dishes scattered everywhere.

"Oh fine Honey, you may bask in the glow of my beauty!" Tamaki said dramatically as if Honey had been talking to him and not Takashi. Flowers popped out of everywhere. Mori rolled his eyes quietly as Honey cowered in fear behind the couch beside him.

"Tamaki, how many times must I remind you that Honey does not appreciate having flowers shoved in his face. And your supposed to be taking it easy on that arm until it's fully healed, so put the flowers away." Kyoya didn't even bother to look up from his laptop where he was plotting- a umm planning next months budget.

"Well he was complaining that he was bored so I thought I would ease his boredom by letting him look at the flowers." Tamaki took the offensive outlook for this argument. Kyoya actually looked up from his computer, placing a threatening glare to Tamaki.

"Put. The. Flowers. Away." The flowers drooped momentarily before Tamaki had them disappear.

The room dropped back into silence. The only noise heard was of Kyoya tapping away at the keyboard and Honey munching away at cake. Vanilla cake with strawberries of course, but as they say all good things must come to an end. Honey eventually ran out of cake and Kyoya finished setting the budgets for the next six months.

"Where are Eddy, and Haruhi? And Hikaru and Koaru?" Honey asked glancing around the room as if they would pop up out of nowhere. Tamaki dove at the chance to act dramatically.

"It is with a grave heart that I must say I fear our dear friends will not be joining us for a while." He took on a serious and somber tone, almost as if someone had died. He jumped onto the coffee table and Honey's eyes went wide in horror as Kyoya chuckled.

"What are you talking about?" He asked Tamaki, then turning to Kyoya he said, "And you how can you be laughing?"

"Yeah? What are you laughing at, this is a very serious matter." Tamaki butted in. They were both looking at Kyoya in astonishment.

"Easily, you were there Tamaki, they didn't die." Kyoya retorted.

"What? They're not dead! You said they were dead!" Honey was standing on the couch so he was facing Tamaki without having to look up. He was not happy and was glaring at Tamaki. An angry glare was not a good look for Honey; at least that's what Tamaki thought.

"I said nothing of them being dead."

"You said that you fear that our friends would not be joining us! To me that sounds like your trying to tell us they're dead!" It was certainly a sight to see Honey and Tamaki nose-to-nose glaring at each other in anger.

"I said that I thought that they were not going to join us for awhile! There is a difference, awhile indicating that they would be back eventually!" Honey stopped glaring at Tamaki and turned to Kyoya.

"If they're not dead where are they? And why does Tamaki think that they're not coming back for a while?" Honey flopped back onto the couch as if nothing had happened. Tamaki stayed standing on the table for a moment trying to reason how Honey's emotion had changed so quickly. Coming to the conclusion that it was the sugar from the cake he realized that he was standing on the coffee table. He then tripped in his hurry to get off, landing face first on the floor.

"Ouch" came his muffled cry from the floor as everyone looked down at him.

"You okay Tamaki?" Honey, had returned to his normal, cute self again.

"I think I broke my nose again"

… A slightly annoyed silence filled the room

"I'll call the school nurse. If she's not to busy attending to the damage Ed inflicted on students." Honey and Takashi looked at Kyoya and blinked in surprise. Then realization hit them- Ed had gotten in a fight, again, but this time it seemed, he had seriously hurt someone who wasn't Tamaki.

"Yes, though you shouldn't be so surprised, Ed managed to start a food fight in the school cafeteria today along with the twins and Haruhi, though I suspect that they bullied her into it." Honey and Mori gaped at Kyoya. They all thought back to the previous night where Ed and Tamaki had gotten into a rather rough and loud fight.

~~~~~Cue cheesy, unnecessarily ridiculously long flashback~~~~~

Ed's first day as a host was going, well to be truthful, in his opinion BAD. The moment word got out that the new resident "bad boy" was going to be a host every girl wanted to see this. The thought that Edward Mustang would be a host made all the boys laugh nervously at the thought of what this could mean for the other "Bad Boys." And girls, girls just want to be around him 24/7. So, naturally Ed now really hates King Bradley for sending him on this mission.

-Ed's POV-

"So, Edward what made you join the host club? You didn't strike me as the type of guy who would do something like this." Some chick (can't remember her name) asked me. _Oh you have no idea._

"Well I was talking with Haruhi and the Twins and they offered me a spot. I figured, why not? Cool way to meet new people right?" _More like Tamaki didn't want me here so I joined. Just didn't think it would be this bad._ The girls around me gushed about how cute I was bla, bla, bla.

"Umm, Edward, if I may ask, where did you live before you came to Ouran? You have an accent that I cant seem to place." Another girl asked (blond this time, the last one was brunette) _Oh shit, where were we supposed to come from again?_

"Germany, my dad was second generation German and my mom was on a month long training exercise when they met. My mom decided to stay in Germany, year and a half later I was born. We lived in Germany my whole life then all of a sudden my dad comes home one day and is like "I'm being transferred to Japan" so three months later here I am!"

"Were your parents married before you were born?" One girl asked, some of the other girls looked at her as if she said something really rude, I guess in a way it was a little personal, but hey, Mustangs my dad and it would be just like him to get married after there's no way he can get out of it. "You didn't mention it in your story." Only her voice turned it into a question.

"No" I was laughing now, I got to talk bad about Mustang, and the best part was, it was my job. "No, my parents got married about three months after I was born."

"Oh" The girls broke into gushing again "that's so romantic, yet so scandalous", bla, bla, bla.

"Why did your dad get transferred to Japan?" Another brunette asked. _How long are they going to interrogate me?_

"My gramps got fed up of me not going to a "respectable" school as he put it. So he pulled a few strings and got my dad transferred here, conveniently placed not a fifteen minute drive from Ouran High." Cue the gushing. _This gushing act is getting really old._ I glanced down at my watch._ And I've only been here for half an hour. Ugg. _I let them gush for a while; it gave me the chance to get my first real look of the room since I had gotten here today, if I had to describe it in one word that word would be crowded. The place was swarming with girls in puffy yellow dresses, gushing and squealing coming from groups surrounding one guy (or two guys if you were the twins). Haruhi walked by with her coat and bag.

"Hey how did you just get here? And not die at the wrath of Suoh for being late."

"Easy. I told him that he and the guys could come to my house this weekend" I raised my eyebrow. "I forgot my math book in the library."

"Oh"

"Hello Haruhi, we've been waiting for you." Some girls at the table next to mine were waving Haruhi over to them.

"I gotta' go, your welcome to come over this weekend too." *Haruhi* "Coming girls! See ya later Edward." I turned back to the girls sitting at my own table, they noticed me paying attention to them and started to bombard me with more questions "why do you wear your hair so long?" "How do you like Ouran High so far?" bla, bla, and more bla.

-Third Person-

_How in god's name is he so popular? It's like Haruhi all over again, but Ed's such a troublemaker how do the girls like him?_ Tamaki was sitting on his knees on the couch facing the backwards looking in on Ed's success with the girls.

"Tamaki! What exactly are you doing?" A young redhead named Chloe sitting beside me asked. _Oops. _

"Sorry my dear, I was simply making sure that our new member was doing alright. Its been known that some people brake under the pressure of being in the spotlight."

"I don't think I've ever met a Host that has broken under the pressure."

"Yes neither have I"

"Well that's because they have never made it this far. They usually crack under the pressure during the initial interview to see if they're Host Club material."

"Oh! Would you care to tell us about some of these young men?"

"No, no I'm sorry ladies but that would embarrass the poor souls and we can't have that."

"Aw, that's too bad." The girls surrounding Tamaki moaned and gushed. Tamaki took their momentary distraction as a chance to glance back over his shoulder at Edward.

_What does that little good for nothing spoiled BRAT think he is doing! We are so going to have a chat about rolling ones eyes at the girls after this is over._ Tamaki had looked over his shoulder to see Ed rolling his eyes as the girls had gushed over something he had said.

_Well at least the others are setting a good example for him to follow._ He thought as he looked onto the other host club members having their conversations with the Ouran High girls.

The rest of the two-hour Host Club meeting went by smoothly, well mostly. Ed had managed to trip three people on five different occasions, three of those times the unlucky victim was Tamaki, as to be predicted when it comes to Ed and his view of Tamaki. Also Honey managed to lose Usa-Chan in between the couch seats, Takashi eventually found the poor stuffed animal after a long fifteen-minute period where Honey refused to talk to anyone but Mori. But, all considering the meeting went very smoothly- Tamaki did not receive anymore broken limbs.

That is until he brought up the rolling eyes at the guests thing.

-Yes he dared to bring it up.

"Edward Mustang! How dare you roll your eyes at those beautiful young ladies!" Tamaki yelled at Ed. Ed stood sucking away at a Coke with a straw, completely unfazed by Tamaki's yelling.

"Do you need to yell, I'm right in front of you idiot" Ed replied only moving his mouth a few millimeters from the straw. Glancing up at Tamaki calmly he continued, "And what exactly is wrong with rolling my eyes, it's not like they saw it." Ed returned to his drink, sucking at it with relish.

"That's not the point, the point is, what if another girl had seen you, or if one of the girls had seen you. It would tarnish our prestigious reputation!" Tamaki continued to yell in this manner for about five minutes.

-Ed's POV-

_Bla, bla, bla, does he ever stop yelling? Maybe if I broke his nose again? No, that would only make his voice sound more annoying- even if it would make him easier to identify, still far too annoying. Let's see_

_Leg? –No, crutches, he'll just complain and moan about having to carry the crutches than get a wheelchair and complain about not being about to push it himself- so no, defiantly no._

_Kneecap? – Surgery. No bad idea to much complaining._

_Jaw? –Yes, shuts him up and keeps him quiet… Until, he can talk again, then I'll never hear the end of it. Yeah no._

_Arm? – Yeah I guess so, sure he'll complain but hey, he can only be half the drama queen with only one arm. At least till he realizes that I simply dislocated his shoulder that is. Yeah, lets go with that. This is going to be a good laugh._

_Now, he just has to shut up long enough for me to dislocate his arm and-_

-Third Person (It sounds better this way)-

"You are the most annoying, SHORT-tempered, tiny, little pipsqueak of a human being I have ever met! Are you even listening to- OWWW" Tamaki was cut off as Ed dropped his drink, grabbed Tamaki's arm and twisted it painfully behind his back till he heard a pop, dislocating his shoulder then gave Tamaki's arm a good punch with his right arm, breaking the bone.It gave a satisfying crack! _Oops that wasn't planned… Oh well, whatever! _This had happened so fast that the rest of the host club didn't even realize what was happening till they heard the snap of Tamaki's bone.

"YOU IDIOT *OUCH* WHAT ON EARTH *OUCH* DID YOU DO *OUCH* THAT FOR? YOU BROKE MY *OUCH* ARM YOU PIPSQUEAK!" Tamaki screeched at Ed while trying to move his arm so he could get a look at it.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CALLING ME SO SMALL MY YELLING SOUNDS LIKE A WHISPER AND YOU CAN ONLY SEE ME WITH A MICROSCOPE!" Ed fumed loudly. "NO ONE, I REPEAT, NO ONE CALLS ME SHORT, TINY, SMALL OR A PISQUEAK!" The two proceeded to yell insults and abuse at each other. Haruhi turned to Kyoya,

"Should someone call the school nurse?"

"I believe that that would be wise." Kyoya replied, he turned to the phone that was sitting on a side table near by. He clicked a few buttons as Haruhi got Ed and Tamaki to be quiet then said,

"Ah yes, I need a doctor up in Music Room 3- yes the 'unused' music room. Well you see Tamaki Suoh tripped over a coffee table then banged into the couch, he's complaining that his arm is hurting"

"It's not hurting. It feels like it's about to fall off in pain! That's what it feels like."

"- I stand corrected, it feels like it is going to fall off." He turned to Tamaki on the ground in pain, "They're sending a doctor up to see you."

"Well tell him to hurry up!"

~~~~End Cheesy, unnecessarily ridiculously long flashback~~~~

The three friends shuddered as they recalled the previous night. Of course the doctor had bought the story that Tamaki had tripped over the coffee table and banged into the couch, but Tamaki hadn't agreed with it willingly. He didn't appreciate being considered a klutz yet, as the rest of the club insisted that that is what had happened he was forced to go along with it.

While the incident had been slightly humorous at the time, they were beginning to wonder how Ed (Eddy, if your Honey) was able to inflict so much pain, or how for that matter he was able to know how to do such a thing. Haruhi simply assumed that both his parents being in the police force, they had taught him how to defend himself. Honey and Mori thought that perhaps he had been part of a judo club back before he had moved to Japan. Tamaki didn't have a theory or care; he simply knew that whatever it was Ed did, he did it well and painfully. Kyoya was the only one who was annoyed by this strange skill of Edward Mustang's, his school record was blotchy at best and held no information about judo club memberships and self-defense being needed at his old school, he had been a trouble maker there and was a trouble maker here. There was defiantly something fishy about Edward Mustang, Kyoya just couldn't quite figure out what it was exactly.

"So anyway," Kyoya said shaking off the memory "I think Tamaki's right for once. Principal Curtis won't let them off easy, the school board just had that cafeteria painted a week ago."

"So, guess that means that we can't go over to Haruhi's house tonight after all." Honey looked sadly at them. Tamaki sat up on the floor holding his nose.

"Can someone help me please? I don't want to get blood on my new uniform. And I think I need more painkillers, my arm is hurting again."

"Alright already, we'll take you to the infirmary." Kyoya glared down at Tamaki still on the floor by the coffee table. Three members rolled their eyes at their "king's" stupidity and marched him off to the infirmary.

_Three days into the new school term and Tamaki has already broken his nose twice and arm once also dislocated it… I wonder what Ed will do to torture him next time he sees him, this is starting to get entertaining._ Mori thought absentmindedly to himself as he dragged Tamaki down the hall.

**Yes, yes, I know filler chapter. But you have no idea how hard it was to get this one right. As I said before, major writers block. So on a happier note, I have the next oh about five chapters planned out! **

**I, Al am so soo sooo soooo sooooo soooooo SORRY about the huge wait for this chapter. No excuses other then one thing led to the other and I never got around to writing it.**

**I, Nina am so soo sooo very SORRY for not making Al write the chapter and post it sooner. Same thing, no excuse. I have been encouraging her to write it, but she just never got around to it, though she was always writing, it just never sounded right. So she'd scrap it and start all over again.**

**Both of us are so sorry for not having this posted sooner. We can't make an promises that the next chapters will be up within the week but there will defiantly not be another three month long wait two weeks, tops… We hope.**

**Thank-you to all those people who commented/favourited/story alerted on the story so far, they had a tendency to guilt trip me (Al) into writing. Thank you! We love you and you mean the world to us! (You do in fact impact the writing process even if you do not realize it) **

**-Al and Nina**


	10. Chapter 7: Car Windows and Cell Phones

**Hello again!**

** Okay, so it's not the two weeks we hoped for but it's not three months either. Remember that, it hasn't been three months. Anyway, thank you for not killing us yet and hope you like the chapter. **

**Do we own Full Metal Alchemist? Or, Ouran High School Host Club? **

**HA- yeah right, we wish!**

"You are so grounded young man. No television or computer for the three days you're suspended from school. Same with you Roy, as Ed's father you are going to set a well-mannered example for him, so no TV or computer." Riza was on a roll of yelling at Ed, with a little bit of her complaining about Roy's stupidity thrown in for good measure. "Honestly, we've been here four days, and so far." She stopped momentarily to breath and Roy and Ed cringed. "Roy has gotten himself fired then hired again and Ed, Oh god Ed! You've broken Tamaki Suoh's nose and arm! Oh then there's the little problem of you getting yourself SUSPENED ON YOUR THIRD DAY OF SCHOOL!"

Riza unlocked the door to the house and pulled it shut behind her with a slam that shattered the neighbors' car's window. Her scream could be heard outside by the car where Ed and Roy were standing in horror, looking back between the door and the car window.

"I've got to get back to work. You want to hide in my office for the rest of the day?" Roy turned to Ed; even the cold heartless colonel wasn't about to let the kid suffer the wrath of an extremely pissed Riza- who just happened to be in a house full of guns.

"Yes please!" Ed had already dived into the car, Roy was right after him. After a few moments of driving Ed voiced a question neither of them wanted to answer. "You think we should call to tell her I'm with you?"

"I think so, you call I'm driving."

"I don't wanna call I don't know how to use these things."

"It's easy, poke in the number you want then when you're finished click enter. I doubt she'll answer it, she'll see it's us and ignore it."

"Umm, okay. I think" Roy raised an eyebrow, Ed was still looking at the cell phone as if it was something from another planet, Roy just rolled his eyes and turned back to the road. Just as it seemed that Ed was going to start the call, it started to ring, causing Ed to jump in shock and drop the phone, while Ed freaking out had caused Roy to nearly cause a crash.

"Are you insane, you nearly caused an accident with that stunt!" Roy pulled into the police station parking lot.

"It started ringing. How was I supposed to know that it would start ringing as I was dialing?" Ed held up the still ringing phone for Roy to answer as they got out of the car.

"Oh give me it already! – Crap."

"What?"

"Your 'mother'."

"Oh. I'll just be over there in the corner wishing that I had never agreed to this 'move' to another country idea." Ed moaning walked over to the door that lead into the station and sat down on the curb sulking. The phone was still ringing in Roy's hand.

"Might as well get this over with. Hello?"

"Ed can stay with you on one condition; you get him home at a reasonable hour. No going to bars, he's too young to be in one or hanging around the office getting to know your coworkers. Got that?"

"Yes sir, a ma'am. Yes ma'am."

"Good" Riza hung up as Roy released a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

_Damn that woman can be scary when she wants to._ Roy looked from the phone in his hand to Ed still sitting on the curb. A couple of police had come out and was talking to him; sighing Roy went over to join them.

"Hey Ed, mom says you're allowed to stay as long as I get you home at a reasonable hour." Roy nodded to the other two officers as he spoke.

"Sweet!"

"Oh hey there Roy, this kid yours?" One of the officers named Mike Thomas asked.

"Yep." Roy mumbled

"Well he looks nothing like you." The other officer Wesley McGee commented, both officers burst out laughing.

"Ha, Ha very funny. Get up kid would you let's leave these idiots to do whatever it is they do when no ones watching." Ed smiled at the comment. The officers stuttered grasping for a comeback as Roy dragged Ed to his feet and into the building.

The front of the station was filled with people of all ages. There was large desk in the center with a single female officer trying to explain five different things at the same time to several people. She noticed Roy and waved so did several other officers who seemed to be walking around collecting information on people. Roy and Ed slide past the frantic and chaotic front room to a much quieter part of the station.

They walked past several desks that were out in the open pausing when they came to a door that said Lt. Roy Mustang- Detective.

"Now this is my office and you are not-" Roy was cut off as Ed pushed pasted Roy and sat down in the large leather chair behind the desk, twirling it around absentmindedly.

"You were saying "Dad"?"

"Out." Ed looked at him questioningly. "Out of my chair, you can sit on one of the chairs in front of the desk. That chair is mine, not yours, mine."

"Well, why?"

"Just get out of the chair."

"I don't want too."

"I don't care get out."

They continued in this manner for the rest of the day, arguing over the smallest things. The other members of the host club were having their own interesting days. The twins were scolded by their mother for ruining the school cafeteria and were sent to their separate rooms for the night. Haruhi was in trouble and grounded for a month, but then her father got worried because she wasn't putting up a fight about the punishment. So thinking it was some silent retaliation sort of thing, he ungrounded her and took her to the doctors for good measure. (_Really dad? Just 'cause I don't argue doesn't mean that something's wrong with me._) Tamaki ended up with his nose re-broken, but as the school doctor said "It was never fully healed from the last time with was broken five days ago." So everything was all good. Mori got beat in the dojo by Honey and Kyoya was extremely happy that he got the next six months budgets planned out. ("How is that good, Kyoya? It simply means I have a limit to how much I can spend on parties." Tamaki whined sounding like he had a cold from the tissues stuffed up his nose.)

**Did you like? Hope you did, another filler but necessary so now we can get back to the funny after this.**

**No promises when it will be posted, I'm on an island with no Internet off and on for a while this summer so I'll try to get the chapters posted pronto.**

**Anyway you know the drill, review PLEASE!**

**-Al and Nina**


	11. Chapter 8: Emergency Meetings at 3 AM

**Hello! How is everyone's summer going so far? Mines going great, except for last month where I lost my glasses; in the bottom of a lake, so I got new ones and then got my old ones back -_-. Anyways, hope nothing bad has happened to you lot, other then the horrible reminder that summer vacation is almost over (for us at least) so without further ado Chapter 8! Finally **

**Disclaimer: No we don't own anything, just the utter chaos that you will witness in the next chapters.**

It had been two days since the cafeteria incident and Ed, Haruhi and the twins were back in school.

They are all surviving their punishments or lack of in the case of the twins.

Ring, Ring, Ring

"Huh? What? Oh…" Kyoya pulled his hand out from the sheets and reached for the ringing cell phone beside the bed. He flipped it open wincing at the bright light.

You have 1 new message from:

Tamaki Suoh "The King"

"Ugg." He groaned exasperated.

_What in the world does he want? _Kyoya glanced at the clock it read 3:30 am.

_Forget it I'll read it then go back to sleep._ With slight reluctance he opened the message.

EVERYONE! EMERGANCY MEETING!

UP! UP!

EVERYONE UP!

GET TO MY HOUSE NOW!

Kyoya collapsed back into the bed. Arguing with himself the whole time, he got up and dressed quietly.

_That was a fast ride. Must've fallen asleep on the ride over._ Kyoya starred at the door blankly, half expecting it to open for him.

"How long have you been standing there?" Tamaki opened the door with a bang, slightly jolting Kyoya but not enough to wake him completely. When he didn't reply Tamaki continued.

"Doesn't matter, get inside now everyone's here but you! And that includes Haruhi who lives on the other side of town!

"Hey. I heard that" Tamaki grabbed the collar of Kyoya's shirt and dragged him into the house. He deposited Kyoya on the couch with a soft thud.

"So now that we are finally" Tamaki directed a glare at Kyoya "all here. On with the meeting." He was now standing on a coffee table that was surrounded by the Host Club sitting on the couches. The club in question gazed up at him stupidly too tired to care. Kyoya and Honey had fallen asleep using each other as pillows.

"Come on sleepy heads! UP! I SAID UP!" Tamaki had turned on the speaker system now and was yelling at them through a microphone. Haruhi covered her ears as Honey and Kyoya woke with a start and fell off the couch only to fall back asleep.

Awhile later after a lot of Tamaki yelling at them and about five cups of commoners' coffee, the Host Club was now somewhat awake.

"So what exactly did you call all of us here at this ridiculous hour for anyway?"

"I hope it wasn't just to yell at us." The twins were now back to their sarcastic selves.

"No! I'm not THAT self absorbed."

"You keep thinking that." Haruhi muttered, the twins heard and burst into laughter.

"Anyway I called you all here well because, well, you've bound to notice that Ed is not here right." He looked around at them waiting for them to get it. Honey's eyes lit up with glee.

"Are we planning a surprise birthday party for Ed? With cake and, and party hats and cake and, and more cake! Party, party, party! I love parties, but only ones with cake. Can I have more cake please?" Honey who had cake instead of coffee was now bouncing up and down on the couch empty plate outstretched. The little "energizer bunny from hell" as Ed called Honey was not getting any more cake if Haruhi had an opinion. The Hitachin twins were starting to think that six pieces of cake at five in the morning was a bad idea and were laughing.

"I don't think that would be a good idea Honey. I think you've had enough." Mori spoke for the first time that morning. Honey nodded and stopped bouncing.

"So why, exactly, are we here and where is Ed?" Haruhi was getting suspicious. Tamaki faltered under her glare, looking away he regained his composure and continued loudly.

"Well as I was about to say, we seem to be making a tradition of when a new member the Host Club officially joins we. Well, we pay them a visit to their house completely unexpected!

"What! You can't do that! It's a violation of privacy!" Haruhi yelled.

"Yes we can! We showed up at your house the one day remember?" The twins responded.

"Vividly" Haruhi said through pursed lips. This remark caused more laughter.

"And actually you had a choice when we showed up at your house." Hitaru said.

"Yeah at least you had that. From the looks of things Tamaki is going to break into Ed's house." Koaru said the Host Club looked over to Tamaki. He was in fact placing several crowbars our on the floor beside what appeared to be many sets of black clothing and a number of repelling equipment sets.

"What? I want to be prepared." He said with a shrug.

"YOU CAN NOT BREAK INTO A PERSON'S HOUSE! THAT'S A CRIMINAL OFFENCE! AND A VIOLATION OF PRIVACY! NO TO MEANTION DANGEROUS," Haruhi paused for a moment and calmed down slightly. "Both of Ed's parents are on or were police, don't you think THEY would be prepared for something like this?" She was still red with rage but was not yelling anymore.

"So? I like this idea we can't get into to much trouble it's only Ed and he only has it out for Tamaki." The twins concluded.

"Fine!" Haruhi threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "But when you all get caught and taken to jail I will not be with you."

~~~About an Hour Later~~~

"I can't believe you idiots dragged me into this." Haruhi said loudly as Honey picked the lock to the front door. Turns out Honey's very good at breaking and entering.

"SHHH!" Honey hissed at her. "You want us to get caught or something?"

"Yes." Haruhi whispered bluntly back at Honey. Mori looked on in silence.

"That would be unwise Haruhi as you would also get caught." Kyoya spoke softly to her.

"Thanks for the reminder." Haruhi mumbled in return.

Click.

Honey had finished picking the lock and stepped away from the door so Mori could get closer. The door swung inward as Mori pushed the door open.

"I can't believe you idiots dragged me into this." The twins could hear Haruhi from the other side of the house. Hitaru and Koaru were at the back of the house using a crow bar to pry open the French doors that opened to the living room inside.

"Ha ha I feel sorry for Honey and Mori, having to put up with Haruhi and Kyoya."

"Yeah but at least we're not the ones they're with so don't feel too sorry!" The twins laughed quietly.

Snap.

They stopped laughing and looked at the crow bar in Hitaru's hand. Half of it was still in the door. Hitaru threw the useless half of the crow bar over his shoulder and continued to try to pry to the door open this time with only half a crow bar. They finally managed to get the door open with a small crack as the wooden door was shifted.

The twins slowly opened the door and walked in, they could faintly hear the others coming in from the front door. It was now almost six in the morning.

**Okay, so don't kill me! Yes it is a cliffhanger but, you see Nina went away to camp for the month (lucky b*tch) and as had my chapter notes with her to check for the usual stuff (spelling, inconsistencies, bla, bla, bla) and I wasn't able to get them off her before she left so I did the best I could without them. I didn't want to go too far into the whole break-in because I had it perfect in my notes and don't want to forget anything.**

**Don't kill me please! The next chapter will be up as soon as Nina gets back.**

**-Al and Nina (does Nina count if she's not here?)**


	12. Author's Note

**Hello! **

**Don't kill us.**

**The new chapter will be up next week. Sorry for the delay. We suck at updating, as you know. But we can promise that the chapter will be up sometime next week. Thank you for your patience and continued support, though we could use a few comments for motivation here and there along the way. Again sorry, but what's done is done, today is here and tomorrow will never arrive, so be done with it now. Sorry, no excuses to bore you with.**

**Lots of love,**

**Al and Nina**


	13. Chapter 9: Extension Cords of Awkward

**Hello! I know you might have already read this chapter but I kin of sort of forgot to put in something kind of sort of very important. So better late then never right? Anyway, already read the chapter, skip to the middle if you would like as nothing else has been changed but if you haven't read it yet, read the whole thing. Again sorry for this mess up of mine. -Al**

**Hello Everyone! We are so sorry that it has taken so long to get this chapter up. Over a week since promised and almost four months since the last chapter but thanks for keeping with us! I found this chapter really hard to write because I wanted to get it perfect, as it is a turning point in the story. Thank you all for waiting, you're the best.**

**Disclaimer: NO! N-O! NO! How many times must we say this? We don't own anything!**

** -Seriously how many times do we have to say it?**

**Okay then, on with the story!**

The twins slowly opened the door and walked in, they could faintly hear the others coming in from the front door. They didn't pay the surroundings any attention; they were your standard rich family accommodations. The large French doors they had come through entered into a large dining room. It was painted a warm golden colour that complemented the golden brown undertones in the mahogany wood of the table, chairs and matching hutch cabinet. A large ornate rug filled with gold and red stitching covered the floor underneath the table.

"Wonder where Tamaki is?" Hitaru whispered to his twin. "I haven't seen him since he said he was coming in another way."

"Same. Wonder what other way he was talking about though?" Koaru replied. They could hear the almost silent footsteps of the others as they came in from the front door and made their way into the kitchen.

~Several Hours Earlier ~

"Edward you should be getting to bed. It's late."

"I know but I have three days of homework to catch up on."

"Then why didn't you do it at school, you were there till five?" Roy, Riza and Ed were in the kitchen sitting around the island and breakfast bar. Ed and Roy were now ungrounded but neither were very comfortable with the idea of technology out developing alchemy so they stayed away from the "freaky screen with a keyboard" aka laptop computer.

"I couldn't do it at school cause of the host club apparently your attention is to be on the ditsy girls the whole time and doing homework is not allowed." Ed sighed in exasperation. Roy opened his mouth to say something by Riza stopped him.

"I think we should all go to bed, including you Ed. We go to bed now and in the morning you get up early and finish your homework, you have to be nearly finished by now?" She came over and looked at Ed's 'homework',

"Ed these are alchemic formulas not homework!" Riza said not even shocked, it was common to see Ed and Roy absentmindedly doodling transmutation circles and random bits of alchemic formulas everywhere.

"What- Oh." Ed stared scribbling out the formulas feverishly. Riza thought of one of those bad jokes you hear all the time: You know your obsessed with Alchemy when you start drawing transmutation circles in your sleep, and Ed looked like he needed some of that.

"Just leave it for the morning Ed, is something wrong? You seem awfully quiet."

"It's nothing really, just THE SCHOOL PHYSICALS ARE NEXT WEEK! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? THE MOMENT THEY SEE MY AUTOMAIL THEY'LL NOW SOMETHING'S UP!" Ed was panting and shaking now.

"Don't worry we'll think of something Ed." Riza stood up from her stool and walked over to Ed

"Yeah it can't be that bad, no worse then the State Alchemist Exams are." Roy was obviously missing the point of Ed's fear.

"And besides, the fuhrer wouldn't leave us hanging like this all the research they did on this school, they're bound to have noticed the physicals. Now I think we should really get some sleep. But how bout some hot cocoa before bed." Riza continued as if she didn't hear Roy and gave Ed a hug.

"I would love some Riza." Roy said pleasantly enough.

"I wasn't talking to you, you idiot, I was talking to Ed but yes you may have some too." Riza hissed

"Sweet" Roy whispered as Riza let go of Ed and walked over to the stove to make the hot cocoa. Roy stood up and walked over to the closet under the stairs where he waked in and transmuted a hole in the inner wall that revealed several documents and folders stamped with 'Top Secret' and Confidential' in big red bold lettering. He pulled them out of the hole and walked back into the kitchen where Riza was just serving the cocoa.

As he sat down Roy slid the folders over to Ed, Ed opened them silently and started rereading the mission profile he had been given back in Central, Amestris. They drank their hot cocoa in silence, the only noise being Ed turning the pages of the document every few minutes, he had never actually read it all the way through before and found it strangely intriguing to read about Ouran High through the eyes of a person who had never actually attended a class there.

Major Edward Elric- The FullMetal Alchemist

Mission Profile: 

Mission Objectives:

Befriend Hitachin twins- see pages 3 and 4

Join host club

Attempt to recruit them for the Amestrian Military

Look around for other students who could present an interest to the Amestrian Military

Mission Cover story:

Col. Roy Mustang and L.t Riza Hawkeye will be Major. Elric's acting parents

Col. Mustang is acting father and a police officer who just transferred

L.t Hawkeye is acting mother and former police officer turned homemaker when Edward was born, she is the daughter of a man famous for his money and influential presence in Germany

They met in the field 1 ½ years prior to Edwards Birth married when Edward was about 3 months old

Family name: Mustang

Edward got into Ouran High School Academy because of his fathers position and his grandfathers money

They live in a large house in an up-and-coming neighborhood

Edward is and A+ student with attitude issues

_Bla bla bla. I need details and procedures! Not fake-family life stories!_ Ed flipped through several pages till he came to a section labeled "Details and Procedures". Flipping one last page he found a list of rules regarding alchemy use and procedure. Then a page of rules regarding ethics and manners regarding the various people they would encounter. He stopped and laughed at this page it read: "The Suoh family home is directly next door to the Mustang residence- this is not a permission to be invasive and rude to Tamaki Suoh (Yes, the Military is aware he is an annoying spit of a brat). Ed flipped the page still laughing to himself and stopped immediently this page held promise, at least it should it was labeled Medical Procedures and school physicals counted as that, to Ed at least. He read through the page carefully not wanting to miss anything that could hint at helping get out of causing a panic in the middle of the school. He had just given up hope that the Miliary could save him (_for once)_ when he reached the very end of the page. It was hand written and had obviously been added after the document was typed out. Ed recognized the untidy yet flowing sprawl of Hughes:

All medical procedures done to or on the Full Metal Alchemist Edward Elric will be conducted by Amestrian Military Medical Official

Ed sighed quietly in relief and Roy patted him on the back.

"See, no problem they have everything covered. I had wondered where they had dumped Hughes, guess they thought he was crazy enough to fit in here. Too bad _he_ couldn't play your dad." Ed nodded seeming oblivious to the comment then continued to read after rereading the last line on that page several times. Eventually though Ed's eyes grew tired and he nodded off. The sounds of turning pages became the sound of light snoring. Riza and Roy didn't move to wake him or move at all they just sat there and looked at Ed's face they watched him in silence for about an hour, his face full of peace and calm then his face contorted and confused his soft snores becoming scared whimpers of terror. He started to slid from his chair and Roy jumped from his daze to catch Ed. Riza also got up and moved to Ed's other side where she shook him lightly on the shoulder. Ed woke with a start.

"Let's get you up to bed, huh?" Ed nodded dully in reply to Riza voice. Roy heaved the boy into his arms and carried him up the stairs and into his bedroom where he placed the once again sleeping boy softly onto the bed. Roy and Riza backed out of the room quietly and shut the door.

"You know, you aren't to bad at this dad thing when you try colonel." Roy huffed in retort and walked over to the stairs.

"Good night, Lt. Hawkeye." He then proceeded down the stairs and into the living room where he flopped down onto his 'bed' better known as a couch.

_I was to tired to argue with you that's all_ Roy thought, he fell asleep within moments of his head hitting the pillow.

Riza shook her head at Roy stubbornness. _You can't say one nice thing to that man without him trying to fry you alive_. She walked into the master bedroom changed into a large shirt and flannel pants then lied down in bed. _No more staying up all night._ She yawned fell asleep a short while later.

~Back to Present Time~

"Wonder where Tamaki is?"

_Shut up you two, you'll give the whole game away!_ _And besides the point is that I have a grand entrance._ Tamaki's foot caught on something as he walked up the slope of the roof.

"What the?" Tamaki tried to move his leg again.

SNAP

Tamaki came tumbling to the surface of the roof, his foot tangled in a discarded extension cord left over from last Christmas. He landed face first on the hard roof with a crash. Tamaki shook himself off and stood up carefully, gritting his teeth as he looked over his shoulder at the cord.

"Dimmit!" He swore out loud when he looked forward again to see several more cords in his way. Then covered his mouth with his hands eyes wide in horror, hoping with baited breath that no one had heard him inside the house. Then quietly swore again as he realized that he had made quite the ruckus already with his fall.

Sighing silently he made his way over to the skylight that was positioned right above the front foyer. When he got to it he knelt down on one knee and set up a repelling system (he had just learned how to do this via Wikipedia a few hours earlier). Finally he pulled a black facemask out of his pocket, along with the mask a pair of gloves came out of the pocket too.

_Crap _The gloves got caught in the breeze and started to float away. Tamaki reached out over the skylight, but the glove was just out of his reach, so he stood up and stepped on to the skylight.

_Got you! You little bugger- Uh-oh!_ The glass beneath Tamaki's feet began to crack just as he got a hold of the glove. At first the cracking was quiet not much more then a whisper, but it grew to the point where it sounded like a gun shot in the night, it was at that point that the glass gave out completely and Tamaki went tumbling through the now hole in the ceiling. His arms and legs getting tangled in the ropes as he fell. The ropes snapped straight about five feet above the floor and the wind was knocked from Tamaki's lungs, the rest of the host club gathered around him. They stared for a moment then burst our laughing having too much fun to care that there were three other very unhappy people in the house.

Roy woke to hear the sound of laughter coming from if he guessed correctly the front foyer. He slid off the couch silently pulling his spare gloves from under his pillow (Riza had taken every single pair she could find) and slipped the first one onto his left hand as he slowly walked over to the door that lead into the great room.

Riza woke with a start, something had crashed on the roof, when she didn't hear anything else she put it off as the wind and tried to go back to sleep. Just as she was about to fall into sleep again she heard a terrible snap of breaking glass. She sat upright in bed, her hand moving to the bedside drawer where she kept her emergency guns. After ensuring that the guns were loaded she carefully padded her way to the doorway. She didn't hear anything from the other side of the door so she slid it open and walked out onto the landing.

Ed was pacing his room when he heard the first crash on the roof he stood stone still but he couldn't hear anything after that so he thought nothing of it. He continued to pace his room trying to walk out some stiffness in his leg. Ed was beginning to stretch out his muscles when he heard the glass in the skylight come crashing to the ground.

_What the hell? _Ed could hear Riza walking out into the hallway. Ed then heard the scariest thing of all, laughing, but not any type of laughing; laughing that distinctly belonged to members of the host club. He ran out into the hallway to stop Riza and most likely Roy but he was too late. Riza was down the stairs and firing away warning shots. Ed ran back into his room and put a long-sleeved shirt on then bolted down the stairs. He was the foot of the stairs before he remembered that he was in boxers with no gloves leaving his leg and hand exposed to the world.

**Epic suspense music.**

**Okay, so sorry about the wait but the next one will be up… eventually. Writing fanfic is stress relief for me so I don't take due-dates very seriously with this but I do try even if it doesn't look like that. Thanks for the continued support throughout this last year. And as always reviews are appreciated.**

**Merry Christmas (I don't do politically correct terms) **

**Nina slaps Al **

**Okay, okay**

**Happy Holiday's**

**Al and Nina **


	14. Yes, another Authors Note

Umm… _gulp_ Hi?

Okay, wow, this is quite scary. Please don't rip off our heads we still love you all.

The truth of the matter is I (Al) got hung up on the past chapters because I think I could rewrite them and make them so so much better. But, I'm slowly getting over it. Then I lost the rough notes for this chapter and THEN I just found them today. Never let anyone convince you to move without labeling EVERYTHING. Dead serious it's been God knows how long since I moved and I just found them today. So, here we are. There should be a chapter up within the next few days, it depends on how fast Nina is able to edit.

So please don't shoot us. I'm getting back into this writing groove. Be prepared to have your e-mail spammed, hopefully. Cross your fingers that this good mood stays. But there defiantly will be a chapter up soon. No more excuses.

All the love thats possible to give away- Al and Nina


	15. Chapter 10: I Hate Mornings

**Al: Umm, Nina you talk. I'll go hide behind the wall of non-related writing that I really need to stop working on and update this.**

**Nina: Finally, you get it! I've only been telling you to calm down with that writing forever! Don't get me wrong I support your personal writings in every way just God, calm down girl. And why do you want me to talk for you?**

**Al: **_**waves frantically at direction of mob of readers. **_**So is that a yes you'll talk? **

**Nina: Regrettably yes. But I'm not saying a speech just the disclaimer. Got that?**

**Al: **_**Nods head in agreement**_

**Nina: Here's the disclaimer, now go knock yourself out reading this awesomeness.**

**Disclaimer: No we do not own Full Metal Alchemist or Ouran High School Host Club. No No No, if we did there would be a show about this story line and it would not be posted on Fan Fiction. ;P**

**-Al and Nina**

**P.S- sorry about the long authors note/conversation.**

"Ed, what's that?"

"What's what?"

"That." Honey pointed at Ed's leg. "What is that?"

"Huh? What you talking about?" Ed pretended to be confused and looked behind him.

"That!" Honey said frantically. "What on Earth is that?"

"You okay there Honey? I think you're seeing things." Honey opened his mouth to object when a certain blond interjected.

"STOP IT YOU TWO! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE SEEING HONEY!" Tamaki screeched, his face growing red.

"Well, I wanted to know what Honey was seeing." Kaoru whispered to his brother and Haruhi behind his hand.

"I just want to know what he's ON!" Hikaru replied causing the other two to burst into laughter.

"STOP IT!" Tamaki had obviously heard them. "IF IT MATTERS SO GOD DAMN MUCH TO YOU FINE! **HONEY**! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SEEING?" The blond pivoted on the harness to face the small teen.

"I have a bad feeling that that rope is going to break and he's gonna fall flat on his face." Haruhi gently hissed to the twins causing the subdued laughter to reignite with gusto.

"I thought I saw something shinny on Eddy"

"I think this one might be a little tired!" Riza butted in, coming over to tap sympathetically on Honey's shoulder but her attempt at sympathy failed because she was still holding the guns.

"Ed why don't you go up stairs and _turn on the lights_ so that this young man here can see that everything's fine."

"Sure mom." Ed was up the stairs and in his room before they ever heard his reply. Riza turned from the empty space that was once Ed to Honey and pretended sweetly. "I'm sorry I seem to have missed your name."

_Smart Ed real smart grab the shirt but forget the pants. Real smart you freaking dumbass. Damn damn damn, where are my pants, hah! There you are you little buggers._ Ed snatched a pair of black pants off the floor. Noticing that the pants were beside his laundry pile Ed tentatively brought them up his face and sniffed them. _They seem fine… Who am I kidding they stink! Where are my clean pants?_

"Ed? You going to turn on those lights?" Riza called. Ed jumped at her voice. Giving his room one final futile look over he quickly pulled the smelly pants on and darted into the hallway.

"Right! I'm on it!" Ed spun I a circle three times before he noticed the light switch beside the upstairs security panel. _Some help that was._ Ed thought bitterly as he flipped the lights on. _It wasn't even ON? Who in hell left the system OFF?_ Ed let out a low growl of disgust at the situation as he began to walk down the stairs.

When Ed got back down the stairs Honey looked suspiciously at him, though in the dark Honey wasn't certain of what he saw he was positive that something was off. Not noticing anything out of the ordinary Honey put the reflection to a trick of the light, or lack there of.

Riza was not happy as a matter of fact she was pissed beyond belief. She was so pissed she could've and probably should've shot them right there in the hallway. They had no idea how lucky they were that Riza had amazing self-control. Taking a deep breath Riza put both of the guns on a table. Riza noticed the white glove on Roy's left hand and walked over to him. Somehow Riza managed to give the appearance of a tired wife looking for support from her husband while in fact she was clawing the gloves away from Roy. Successful, she put them in her pocket and leaned against Roy gently, her arms crossed. Roy seethed in quiet anger, at Riza, Ed and this group of idiots that stood before him as he wrapped his hand around Riza's waist. Ed watched to two in mild disgust before remembering they were supposed to be married. _Idiot, idiot, idiot. It is way too early for this._ Ed yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"Can I call the cops or what mom?" Ed questioned threateningly. The faces of all the host members visibly paled and Haruhi looked a little faint but quickly pulled herself together.

"Hi Mrs. Mustang, I'm Haruhi Fugioka. I go to school with Ed. So does everyone else here though only Koaru and Hikaru are in class with us, they all know him from the host club." Haruhi stopped to breath for a moment and wringing her hands rushed onward. "We're really sorry about all this, please don't call the cops on us. It was just supposed to be a joke. You see, when people join the host club, they have this habit of breaking into their house as a sort of," She paused again, looking for the right word. "Initiation ceremony." Haruhi finished, her pale face growing red under Riza's gaze.

_Host Club? This is the host club? This group of bumbling idiots is the host club?_ Riza could have fainted; when Ed had said that they were a bunch of idiots she hadn't actually thought he was being accurate. Though to give the cross-dressing girl some credit she didn't seem that bad but what the hell was she thinking joining a host club and cross-dressing in the first place? Riza stared almost vacantly at the group.

"Let's just go sit in the kitchen okay." Riza picked up her guns and moved swiftly toward the kitchen. "Well come on you lot." She said over her shoulder once she reached the archway to the kitchen. The host club and her family rushed after her, she looked quite intimidating in the half-light of the kitchen. Ed switched on the light as he entered and sat down on his customary stool at the counter.

"So this is the famous Host Club. Ed has told us a lot about you. You seem to be able to piss him off without much effort." Riza pulled some coffee grounds out of the cupboard. "Coffee anyone?" They all nodded.

"But then again, this kid is always pissed off." Roy injected while messing with Ed's hair. _Don't freak. Don't freak out Ed come on. Hold it together here Ed. "_It must be because he's so short he doesn't have any personality." Roy continued to taunt Ed. You could almost see the steam rising from Ed's ears.

"Roy!" Riza said sharply, not needing to look over her shoulder to know what was happening. "Stop that." Roy gave a little pout and moved away from Ed to sit on the counter. The Host club watched the exchange in mild amusement but didn't dare smile. They were still too fearful of Riza's guns.

"Major Mustang." Kyoya spoke lightly and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "If I may ask. Why does your wife have guns when she is no longer in the force?" Roy, Riza and Ed stopped moving and began to fidget uncomfortably like a child caught in a lie. Riza glanced at Roy in slight panic; she couldn't save them this time.

"Ah, well you see the guns are mine. They are stored in our room." Roy swallowed quickly. "You made enough racket on the roof that she was able to grab them before coming down." Kyoya nodded absently at the disjointed response. To Kyoya nothing about this family made sense. Not the genetics, not the behavior, not even their responses. Nothing seemed to make sense. He had never even heard of Mrs. Mustang's family.

"I'm so glad we've sorted that out. Now, WOULD SOMEONE LIKE TO HELP ME GET DOWN FROM THIS THING?" Tamaki screeched from the hallway causing Riza to jump slightly as she filled the coffee pot with water. Haruhi walked over and grabbing a dishcloth began to wipe up the spilt water.

"Who wants to go cut him down?" Roy pulled a pocketknife out of his pocket and glanced around at the group of idiots and Riza. Ed hopped off his seat and grabbed the knife.

"I just wanna see his face hit the ground." He said and walked off to cut the rope. A moment later they could hear the two arguing.

"Wait, what are doing?" Tamaki squeaked.

"I'm going to cut the rope what does it look like." Ed retorted.

"You'd better catch me." Tamaki demanded crossing his arms and Ed snorted at how stupid the creepy blond looked hanging from a hole in the ceiling with his arms crossed and a bandage on his nose

"Fat chance of that." Ed began to cut the rope and it snapped from Tamaki's weight.

_**CRASH**_

"Oops." Ed walked back into view and gave the knife back to Roy. They could hear poor Tamaki grunting and cursing as he got up off the ground.

"Kyoya! Daddy's bleeding!" Tamaki hollered.

"You wouldn't happen to have any band-aids would you Mrs. Mustang?" Kyoya turned to Riza and fixed her with a questioning gaze. Riza wordlessly opened a drawer beside her and pulled out a package of band-aids.

"If it's from the glass you might want to clean it out first." She said handing them to Kyoya. "And please don't tell me he called himself daddy."

"Regrettably yes ma'am he did. And apparently I am the mother to add insult to injury." Kyoya tapped his chin. "I've yet to determine why he felt the need to start calling himself that." Riza opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. She looked over at Roy who looked caught between horror and amusement.

"Let's just get past this before we begin anything else. You lead the way." She signaled for Kyoya to walk ahead of her. "Someone take care of the coffee would you." She said over her shoulder as she walked out.

Several hours later they were scattered around the kitchen in an awkward silence. Ed was disgusted to be sitting beside Tamaki who looked quite unamused himself. Of course, Tamaki was more unamused by the fact that his shredded hands made it terribly difficult to eat the bacon and eggs Riza had made for them. They had all finished eating save Tamaki who was slowly, very slowly eating.

"So." Riza said leaning back in her chair. "Who's parents am I calling for rides and who's going to the police station with Roy?" A she looked around the room she could see them all look away from her. "I thought so." She picked up the phone and began to dial.

**Evil grin of I'm gonna torture you. No, sorry just it's getting late and I figured that you deserved something. So here it is, it won't be that big of a cliff hanger because you won't be waiting um… 7 months for a chapter again. I swear on my grave that it won't be seven months. But in my defence, in that seven months the chapter has changed dramatically and I think it's a lot better than it was (and it's also finished) so anyway R&R you know the drill and the more you review the more Al will want to update! Don't kill us.**

**-Shot-**

**That wasn't very nice! Oh well. Lots of Love to you all**

**-Al and Nina**

**P.S.- I think Tamaki lost his voice with all that yelling ;P**


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